deadlock

08/2011

                                  The storm rages outside as I lay

                                    motionless in this twisted joke of a bed

                                     and the great war wages in my mind

                                     Lighting cracks and thunder crashes

                                    as the winds shakes this feeble abode

                                   all I can see is the wraith in my face

                                   Flashes reveals its form and the 

                                    menacing creatures that are crawling

                                      dazed I am held within their limbo

                                       I wish I could rip myself from their

                                     wires that are attached to my body and

                                    take a fresh breath of uncontrolled air

Author's Note

Thanks to Muse for an edit help on this one...xx

Reviews

[((Teenage_Poet_Loser))]

i was reading this and the band as i lay dying, i dont know if you know them, poped into my head! if you expand this make a cool chorus it hink they will actually be stunned by this!
i liked it! it was short to the point and easy to read. So i liked it a lot =] thanx for the share! great work

[Larry Dyson]

really cool Joshua..puppet wires or marianette wires come to mind?..

[Andrea Vargas]

This was an emotional struggle and a pain to be let free... Fantastic. your emotion really jumped off the page (:

[realmwriter]

Damn this has Awesome imagery and the flow is spot on. I also really like how you structured each stanza. Makes it look like the violence of the storm and the shaking of the feeble abode. Very well done!

[BlueDreams]

Whoa! Awesome imagery :-)

[Kaylor Mason]

Sounds like the perfect description of a nightmare that won't leave a man in peace. (I should know; I've had plenty just like this). This is a good poem--and this review wouldn't be complete without thanking Muse for the great job she did on editing; please tell Muse she did a good job for me :)
"I wish I could rip myself from their wires"-- we've all wished that, when our nightmares and inner demons turn us into marionette puppets and make us dance to their tune, and we're fighting the whole way. And all we want is to cut our cords and relax and sleep, finding peace within slumber. I . . . I think I've had too much experience with this kind of stuff :)))
Anyway, nice work, sir.

[Coyote Poetry]

Some storm leave us fighting till we find the right answer. The powerful description made the poem gain strength leading to a very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I like this a lot, such great imagery and feeling... so strong and yet dark. Really well written, and nice structure too.

[Jeremy Baker]

I agree with Rene here - excellent poem

[Thea]

*claps* An extraordinary writing, Joshua... :)))