forgive me

07/2011

forgive me for tomorrow
I'll be gone before you wake

before you wipe the decay
from your empty eyes
I'll be painting my face
with the remains of your
sick idea of our love

before you snort your breakfast
I'll be sitting on the ground
somewhere, ripping up blades
of grass, imagining you

before you toy with the idea of
calling me, I'll have already
thrown this phone out
the car window, imagining you

before the sun sets on the
wasteland that you call home
I'll have already swallowed
my sorrows and moved on

before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were

Author's Note

Reviews

[Chris]

Love this.

You are very fluid with your words. I also like the progression of the poem. Slowly, the person is moving on but early on there was a moment of hallucinating grief to pass through. There really isn't much I'd criticize. Yes, it is a bit straightforward, but the simplicity of this is its strong point.
Another thing that struck me was the great ending. It drops like an anchor on dry land. Well done my friend.

[Draven]

Yes, a truely powerful work of art. Exeptional.

[Desmund Tiny]

felt sad.... but this poem is great......
and I love this part:
"before the sun sets on the
wasteland that you call home
I'll have already swallowed
my sorrows and moved on

before the moon reaches its peak
in the midnight sky, I'll be
dancing like you were never there

because honestly you never were"

[Chris]

Settling takes "One"... eventually the "One" gets angry for having "settled".

Style, flow, format, and content are strong and well toned.

Chris

I'm guessing that the poem is about the abuse of childhood through the parent acting oblivious to their child's existence. Coke habits can do that, which I infer what was meant by the line: "before you snort your breakfast"
Excellent subject overall, though I'm not one for drug-bashing or blaming, it does exploit the true nature of bad parenting. It also doesn't have as much dark tones as the others do, even though it uses some of your favorite adjectives.
constructive response: honestly, the flow started off good in the beginning, but the end rhyme seemed to disappear a bit after the last line of stanza 2. I'd look into that.
Overall 85/100, pretty good job I must say yo. enjoyed it much so

[Ashley]

O.O!!!!!! I LOVE THIS! its so sad and the song is cool, reminds me of red jumpsuit apprentices or w/e that band is called. anyways, great job. 100000000/100

[Mariah Jane]

Ouch. This sounds painful and empty in an emotionfilled/emotionless kind of way. I know, contradictory. However, it was beautifully captured and portrayed. Great job!

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Really nice write, such feelings... felt sad, i love this part:
"I'll be sitting on the ground
somewhere, ripping up blades
of grass, imagining you"
... i like this poem, really nice.

[Dream Weaver]

Great depth of angered emotive feelings here.
"IMO" the best way to cut ties...Nicely done...

[Spookers]

Very good