malignant

02/2019

My throat burns,

but not as bad as the regret

of missing conversations.

When the end materializes in front of you,

its not what's on the other side that matters.

For me its the ones I'm leaving behind.

In death as I left them in life.

I could never get it right

and now I'm out of time.

It is not with joy or a rightful honor

that I step into the unknown with..

It is in throes of terror.

My failures and weaknesses are forced flashed

into my final, earthly thoughts.

They build and clog my neural passages.

Weighing heavily in my chest,

suffocating my already charred lungs

a patient, pending who I am to become.

You'll have to forgive me.

I am just a lowly creature,

my sins scrape the skies.

Author's Note

Malignancy is the tendency of a medical condition to become progressively worse. Malignancy is most familiar as a characterization of cancer. A malignant tumor contrasts with a non-cancerous benign tumor in that a malignancy is not self-limited in its growth, is capable of invading into adjacent tissues, and may be capable of spreading to distant tissues.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your lines are powerfully written and remind me very much of my battle with cancer some years ago, and the fears of having to face up to the possibility that I wouldn’t survive. I was filled with anxiety that I would leave my husband with the responsibility of raising our three young grandchildren without me. Yes, the fear of the mess I might leave in my wake.

Chris

[light and ashes]

"Malignant," perfect title for this. You have carried this word and it's meaning well through-out this poem.

I am pretty certain that I have not read this one before, but you have embodied the fears and feelings that creep into my psyche from time to time.
Fear, after all is a very malignant thing, well done.

[joshua deathdealer]

And that's exactly right.
The title has two meanings.. The cancer itself and the fear which is defiantly malignant.
I wrote this 2019 but didn't post it until early 21. Thanks for the review! I'm missing the old days too (:

[light and ashes]

Cool! Thrilled to have read it.

[Lisasview]

This is my very first read of yours and I am feeling that your entire poem is a wonderful metaphor for what matters in ones life.
But perhaps not ...perhaps it is about someone dying of cancer???
Either way, I did enjoy your words..
I just posted a poem I wrote in 1968, I was 20... it too is about pain....
That poem although different seems to be a recurring theme in many of my many poems...
I called it Wilted Soul... you also might enjoy Awaken...
Lisa, now in Spain

[joshua deathdealer]

Thanks for stopping by!
And both of your takes are correct..
I am channeling the more frantic, uncertain thoughts of a cancer victim.
I tend to write darker themes. Thus the name.. But through darkness the light always shows...
Truly, thanks for the great review Lisa.

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome…
Glad I understood your thoughts…
Lisa, the girl in the photo

[Red Brick Keshner]

There is a greatness about this poem, what with the greatness of forgiveness surmised by the great mountain of sin that piles high up to the sky; thus bringing a great plea issuing from within a great malignancy. Powerful expression. Thanks for sharing this poem!

[joshua deathdealer]

Thanks!! You definitely get it

[John the Baptist]

Malignancy can also apply to emotions. Either excess fear or excess anger can kill you just as surely as cancer.