Quiet

The first story I wrote ever since I've met the girl I love. I know there is a cliche ending, but I was experimenting my writing style as well.

Quiet

By Joshua Mattheu

 

       For Brooke

 

          “Being a writer is a very private, internal process. Ultimately I am more the writer, being an introvert.” Paula Cole

            The cool air of the night raised goose bumps and made my hair stand on end. The forest was dark and the chatter of crickets and frogs filled the blackness that wrapped around me. I sat there on my patio awed by the wondrous sight of fireflies dancing cheerfully in the sky and on the treetops. I stayed outside wondering why they would do this. My mind is always being filled with thoughts and questions; one of the things about being an introvert. My mom interrupted my brainstorming, “Ryan, what are you doing outside? It’s cold and you might get sick.” I turned around and replied, “I’m just thinking, that’s all.” “Well you know we don’t have insurance and we can’t afford anyone getting sick.” I didn't feel cold, but I decided to go inside anyway.

            I walked inside and found my dad lounged on the couch. “Hey dad, where’d you work today?” I asked. He didn't budge; he was asleep. My dad always works so hard and has to work so early in the morning that he never gets enough sleep. It upsets me that he works for hours, but does not get paid all that well. I never really know where he works or what he does. He is a millwright, that’s all I know.

            I walked into my room and turned on my television. I flipped through the channels searching for something that interested me, but there was none. Not much of TV interests me let alone much of modern culture. I turned it off in annoyance.

            The light shining from my alarm clock filled the dark void of my bedroom and read 9:47. I figured I try and fall asleep because a big Spanish test was waiting for me first thing in the morning. As I closed my eyes and lay in bed, thoughts came and went like day and night. I always think, especially when I am alone. Thinking allows me to be myself, to break free from the constraints of the social eye that watches my every move like a predator stalking its prey, waiting for the right moment to strike. The thoughts began to fade away back into the empty darkness they came from, and a cold blanket covered my face.

 

            The next morning, I woke up, but not how I usually wake up. This morning felt weird; I don’t know how, but it did not feel right. ‘I must actually be sick’ I thought to myself. I ignored this feeling and got ready for school. I attend a private school although I don’t have an ounce of faith. Walking among people who are different is an everyday thing for me.

            On the way to school, my mom brought up the dance this Friday. “You know there’s a dance this Friday at your school.” She said “Really mom? Can I go? Can I go?” my little brother, Luke, shouted with excitement. Luke is eight and goes to a different school because the tuition for both me and him were too much for my dad to pay. “No Luke! I was talking to Ryan! Besides, there are too many pretty girls there for you.” my mom said looking at me funny. Luke, on the other hand, starred at me with jealousy and disgust through the mirror.

            “I’m not sure I wanna go.” I said. Large parties and dances always overwhelm me. I never feel comfortable in big groups of people. “Why not? I thought you would've enjoyed bustin’ a move or even dancing with you-know-who.” Moms are good at making you feel weird and even embarrassed at times, but sometimes that’s a good thing. “I’ll think about it.”

            I arrived at school and saw Brooke walking in my direction. Brooke was amazing. She was my ‘crush’ if you will for over a year. My love for her was unlike no one else. She was my first true love. We were friends, but we weren't that close. We very rarely talked, and every time we did, I would say something stupid or ignorant out of nervousness. Brooke was beautiful and always the center of attention. That’s why I never could say anything to her, because she was always surrounded with people and attention. I felt there was no time for us with the dark cloud of people always following her.

            “Hey Ryan!” she said enthusiastically. “Hey Brooke.” I replied. My blood ran bitter and began to race throughout my body. My heartbeat was beyond uncontrollable, my palms clenched. I must have looked so awkward talking to her. “How’d you do on the math test yesterday?” she asked. Was she trying to start a conversation, with me? ‘There’s no way this can be happening’ I thought. “I’ll be lucky to pass that test with corrections.” I said confidently. ‘Where did this sudden burst of confidence come from?’ I thought to myself. “It was too much work for a single problem.” she said. “Yeah” I said with my voice cracking at the end. She laughed and looked away for a moment. We walked in silence until she reached her room; we had different homerooms. We said goodbye to each other and started the school day.

            After the day was finally complete, Brooke came up to me again. “Hey, are you going to the school dance this Friday?” she asked. This, in my opinion, was the dumbest thing to say, but I answered “Maybe if you come, I will too.” I slapped myself on the inside for being so dumb but remained relaxed on the outside. “Yeah, I’ll be there. I heard the last one was pretty bad, but at least we’ll have a chance to talk.” My heart stopped. I thought it would never beat again. “Alright, I’ll see you there.” I said through the teeth of a nervous smile. “Okay, Ryan, I’ll see you then! And you better come, or I’ll come looking for you!” she said jokingly. The right sense of humor goes a long way.

            As soon as she ran off to her car, my heart began to beat again, but very faintly. I waited a moment to recover, but from what? ‘You were so confident and calm, Ryan. What’s the matter?’ a voice said in my head. ‘Nothing, nothing’s wrong. I just felt uneasy for a second.’ I spotted my mom’s car, and drove home. ‘Friday night was coming, and I had someone who wanted me to come. This isn't right. I’m dreaming.’ I thought while I looked out the window. ‘This isn't normal.’

 

            Thursday came and the sun shone through my bedroom window, casting its shadow of sunshine on my wall. Birds sang outside to the awakening of a new day. Although the morning was great, the odd feeling came once again, just like last morning. I ignored this feeling and went on with the day.

            I didn't see Brooke that day, but you can bet for sure Kyle was. Kyle was about my age and was a social icon. I wouldn't call him a tyrant of society, but he wasn't far from one. He wasn't all that friendly with me, but we weren't enemies, which was good. I didn't like Kyle. He would always go into school and do something to impress the girls. He always caught their attention, but wanted only one’s; Brooke’s attention. Brooke and Kyle were something for awhile, but eventually Brooke realized just how much of a… Oh, what’s the word? Jerk? Maybe, I don’t know but the point is they didn't blend right. I still don’t know what went wrong between them, but for some reason I don’t want to know. We don’t interact with each other at all, but I don’t know why. I never knew why I didn't give people a chance. I just don’t know.

 

            Friday came faster than normal. This whole week has flown by. I decided to keep my promise to Brooke although I never swore on anything. I wanted… no… needed to go, I needed to go because Brooke was going. While I was getting ready for the dance, I knew there wasn't going to be much to talk with her about. I didn't even know if that miraculous amount of confidence was going to support me tonight; I could only hope. That’s all I've ever done; hope.

            I washed my face, applied deodorant, put on fresh clothes and sprayed cologne on. Never have I freshened myself up this much before. It must have been because of Brooke. It’s always because of Brooke. She was expecting me to be there for her, which was special to me. Someone actually wanted me to be with them. Before I left, a sense of absence struck me. Something was missing, but I couldn't figure out what exactly. I searched frantically for something I didn't even know. I threw apart my drawer and found a silver switchblade lying on the bottom. I grabbed it, but with hesitation. What made me put it in my pocket? I don’t know; it just felt necessary for an unknown reason. I ran downstairs into the car, and rode to school not telling anyone the switchblade was in my possession.

 

            I swung open the car door and the frosty autumn air hit me like a hammer. Why was it so cold for October? The sidewalk that leads to the school entrance was lathered in a dark blue coat. No lights, no sound. Every crunching step I took made a soft echo, too soft to be heard from a distance. The closer I got to the school the colder the air became. My lungs must have been partially frozen. I felt like living, breathing ice. I finally reached the door of the school and walked in. The warm atmosphere thawed me out. Darkness was replaced with bright lights; so bright it took a second for my eyes to adjust. Cheap pop music and scattered voices both familiar and foreign filled my ears.

             I walked into the gymnasium where the real dance was. It was just starting and no one I knew well was there, so I decided to use the restroom because I had nowhere else to go. I stood in there, starring at that monster in the mirror. He had plain but bitter, brown eyes that peered into your very being; his face crooked and odd-looking. His hair was filthy. His body was awkward and strange. It wasn't my own reflection. This was something more evil than me. I grew sick at the sight of him; his expression unchanging as I left the mirror.

            The thick atmosphere of the restroom was wiped off by the noise of the dance. People flooded into the gym, talking, laughing, and smiling. ‘How come you never do this, Ryan?’ a voice asked in my head. ‘You’re never happy, never satisfied. That’s a turn-off for girls by the way.’ It said obnoxiously. My mind was cluttered with these negative emotions and feelings never felt before.

            Brooke. Her name replaced these horrible thoughts, which was great. I still remember how beautifully it was pictured in my mind, Brooke. I scanned the crowd searching for her, but I only found the social kings of the school; oh, how much I hate them. Growing up living under their rule was hell for me and still is. Bullying, teasing, mocking, name calling; nothing has changed throughout the years of my life. I could go on all day about what those disgusting tyrants did to me, but I want to stay focused. I want to stay with Brooke.

            After searching for so long, my eyes darted to the entrance of the gym as if some other being within me knew exactly when she was going to come. Brooke has just arrived. The adrenaline pulsated through my veins and blood pounded in my ears. I could feel my stomach drop into a bottomless pit and my heart become as hard as stone. My lungs were filled with hot and nervous air. I choked on the dense atmosphere that nearly strangled me. Relax, Ryan. Calm down. If you just stay cool, you’ll be fine.

            After collecting myself, I began to think without such a blur. ‘What do I do now?’ I asked myself. ‘Go up to her’ an annoyed voice replied. It was not a voice in my head but sounded like someone speaking the command into my ear. ‘What do I say?’ I asked. ‘Just go!’ it shouted back at me with a very impatient tone. I obeyed and step by step, inch by inch, foot by foot… walked up to her.

            Lucky me she spoke first. “Hey, Ryan!” The two words rang in my ears, sounding like she was far away. “Hey, Brooke. I thought you were coming with Natalia?” Natalia was Brooke’s best friend. She could be considered a member of the social royal family. We weren't all that close; the only reason I ever talked to her was because she was Brooke’s best friend. I never liked her all that much. She was rich, charitable, and very popular, but she was obnoxious, cocky, and even told me to give up on Brooke once. I've asked Brooke out before but that was when I was stupid and lame; I’m still stupid and lame but I've learned a few things since then. Money was what made her popular and earned her a lot of friends, but Brooke didn't see her that way. I don’t know what she saw in her, but it was not what I saw.

            “She was supposed to pick me up and take me after cross country, but she got really sick and started throwing up.” Good, I didn't want her to come. In fact I didn't want anyone to be here, just Brooke and me. “Oh, well I hope she gets better soon.” I lied to her and I hated myself for doing so but how else do I make a good impression for her; be myself? That would never work. “Yeah, same.”

            For once the dance was silent, or at least to me. The cheap pop music and talking around me was flushed out by her voice. I’ll never forget that cherubic voice. I’ll never forget her long, wavy hair that fell perfectly from the bun she wore every morning, or the blue crystals that saw people a different way and were filled with compassion. I’ll never forget her.

            “Well, I want to get the first dance with you, okay?” she said interrupting my fantasy. Wait, what did she just say? She wants to… dance? With me? I never would have imagined the day Brooke would ask me to dance with her. This isn't reality; I’m dreaming. Someone, pinch me, wake me up! No, no don’t. Don’t wake me up. I want to enjoy every second of this dream, even if it is only a dream.

            “Sure, I’d be glad to.” An inner voice within me said. That separate character often took over my words and actions in times of need. I wouldn't call myself mad to have such a thing, but it sure is peculiar.

            “Great, I’ll see you then.” She hugged me and ran off. I could feel the warm love and compassion in her within our embrace. She had the kind of love that brightened up any day. She still does, but I’m farther away from that warmth now.

            The gymnasium was lit with bright colors of the dance floor and the social kings and queens. Simply put, they ruled. They were dominant in any place, any situation. I stood in the corner of the gym far away from them. I could still feel that social eye watching my every move, waiting for me to make a mistake or for me to do something stupid so it can tell everyone. Isolating myself was the only choice I was given. It was the only choice I was offered ever since I could remember.

            I grew sick. Not a diseased sickness but a sickness in the stomach. I began to worry about Brooke and the dance. I could feel the nervousness tense my muscles. I must look like a fool, a stupid, lonely fool who has no one but himself and a girl who knows little of his feelings. What if my hand was where she felt uncomfortable? What if I throw up right in the middle? What if..?

            Stop it. Just chill out, relax.

I calmed down and the thoughts of ‘what if..?’ were silenced. It’s alright. Whatever happens happens. It’s going to go fine.

            After the hundreds of lame pop songs played, a slow song finally met everyone’s ears. It was time to leave the shadows and find Brooke, which would be an awful idea if it wasn't for Brooke. I scanned the congregation of people when she, the most beautiful, emerged from it and made eye contact with me. Nervousness flushed in me within no time. I am sure it didn't want me to feel confident when I saw her. All of the thoughts of what could go wrong came back and shattered my very being. ‘No, no, no, no! I can’t dance with her! I’m too insignificant to join her in dance. Why did I ever come here?’

            “Hey, Ryan.” She said reaching out her hands. Some inner being took over since I was too shy to reply. “Brooke, I’ve been looking for you” I said with great conviction. “May I have this dance?” She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands automatically rested themselves on her hips. ‘Oh, this is weird.’ I thought. ‘This is not normal.’

            The song playing was my least favorite (I hate slow songs) but that did not matter because I was with Brooke, the one and only, and she was happy with me, or at least I assumed she was happy. I felt we needed a conversation to coincide with the dance. “You look beautiful tonight.” I said with my voice slightly cracking. “Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” She said ending with her beautiful smile. I could see Kyle was at the dance as well, dancing with one of my classmates, Taylor. She was alright but I never was interested in her, at least not as much as I was with Brooke. He seemed to be enjoying himself, and for once I felt happy for him.

            “Ryan,” Brooke said breaking the silence. “Yes?” I replied. Blood pounded in my ears louder than ever before. “Do you still have feelings for me?” she asked. I was not ready for this question at all. I wasn’t really ready for anything at all. I wanted to share my feelings but no blueprint was made for such a thing. I could feel the redness fill my face. I think that was an answer enough. “Yes,” I said shyly “I do still have feelings for you, very strong feelings.” I choked on the words because they were too large and awkward to fit through my mouth. Her expression changed to a more concerned look. I had no expectations for her reaction to this.

            “You do?” she asked me. I am sure she knew but wanted to see if I was being honest to her.

            “Yes.” I said looking down.

            “Listen, Brooke, you’re my obsession. You are all I think about. I lost countless hours of sleep just thinking about what you. It’s very strange for a writer to come up with words so plain, but I love you.” Brooke starred into my boring eyes for a long while. I could hear her thoughts but couldn't make any words of them. Only faint, quiet whispers were all I heard.

            She leaned into me, and her lips met mine.

            Excitement ran into every corner of my body, overloading them with adrenaline. The outside world no longer existed as she softly kissed me. Both of our arms pulled each other closer simultaneously. My heart pounded so quickly and hardly, I was worried it may just give way. Never have I felt such exhilaration and happiness in my life. That single kiss gave answer to my question; she loved me.

            She backed away slowly and my greedy lips craved more. Before either of us could say anything, a sweaty hand covered my mouth and pulled me to the ground. I was caught off-guard and had no idea what was happening until it was too late. I threw my arms back, feeling for a neck to grab or eyes to poke or ears to punch; all places to get someone off of you. I felt an eye and jammed my thumb as hard as I could in it. I was released immediately but already on the ground. Before I could even get up, someone beat me in the back of the head. I heard screaming and people running all over the place.

            Feet were kicking me and fists were punching. I grabbed the feet of someone and pulled them down, banging their head on the cold, hard tile of the gymnasium. “C’mon! Give’m some more!” I heard over the shouting. “Yeah! Yeah!” I swung up, punching someone straight in the nose. I still couldn't tell who my attackers were but none of that mattered. Getting out of this and finding Brooke was the most important. I saw someone running at me and I countered their swing, throwing them to the ground and stomping on his face. I have never fought at all in my life; how did I do that? The group backed up, waiting for me to give them a weak spot. I was surrounded by wolves that snickered like hyenas. “Watchu doin’ kissin’ a pretty girl like that eh?” “Haha! Good one!” “Why dontchu go back to that wall over there; you two would make a better couple than you and Brooke.” I kicked the gut of whoever said that and kneed them in the face. They fell laughing no more.

            I shoved my way out of the circle towards the door. “Get him!” I heard behind me. As soon as I reached the door, I was hit square in the face and blacked out.

 

            I woke up in some other dimension; some sort of dream. It was a dark and empty void that had no landmarks in sight. The air was filled with a thick smoke. Little light was given. I was definitely dreaming. Wouldn't that mean everything before this wasn't a dream? Yeah, that must be it. I was lying on my bed, but no table with an alarm clock on it was next to it. No shelves, pictures, or even my mirror hung on the walls. In fact there were no walls; just murky emptiness. I got up, not feeling the previous punches and kicks from the attackers. ‘I wonder who did that and why?’ I thought to myself.

            The smell of blood floated in the air and filled my nostrils. “Brooke!” I shouted in the darkness hoping for a reply. “Brooke!” I shouted again. No answer. I began to walk through the haze, looking for anything. The ground was a dark, shiny pavement that acted similar to a mirror. I walked on and noticed large mountains of the material in the distance. I kept hiking forward, thinking about the incident at the dance. ‘Maybe it was one of Brooke’s past boyfriends or something like that, but whom?’ The question stumped me. More and more mountains rose higher and higher, creating the valley I was walking down. ‘Mark.’ I thought scolding myself for being so stupid. ‘Only he and his ‘friends’ would hate me so much to gang up on me.’

            Concrete slabs became visible and walls too. An arrow painted in red paint pointed me towards a staircase. Being curious and in a dream, I walked onwards up the stairs. At the top, a garden full of trees and bushes and wildlife grew before my eyes. It was truly beautiful. In the middle of the garden, a shrine-like object sat alone. I walked up to it and found books titled ‘Band of Rebels’. This was a title of a book I planned on writing. I picked up the book and opened to a page with a folded note inside. I opened it and read:

 

            This is all a dream. Wake up. What you will experience towards the end of this dream will traumatize you. Wake up and help yourself. Brooke never wanted you and you two will never be more than friends. Do myself a favor and wake up.

         ~Ryan                            

            I thought little of the warning; it was only another part of my dream. I walked and sat on a bench, resting my head on the arm. The aroma of summer filled my nostrils and I fell asleep within my dream.

 

            The ambulance hit a bump and I jumped out of my sleep screaming. “Hey, uh, he’s awake.” I heard someone familiar say. “Okay, just let him rest a bit.” An unfamiliar voice said. I sat up only to be pushed gently back down. “The paramedic said you should rest, lay down.” I was so confused. I completely forgot about the dance and the fight and Brooke… wait, Brooke. “Where’s Brooke?” I asked dazed. “I don’t know, I think she may be at the hospital. Ryan, it’s me, Kyle.” This just made things even more confusing. What is Kyle doing here? Where am I? “I need… Brooke.” I said weakly. The punches and kicks came back and stung my body. “Do you remember what happened?” he asked. “I, I kissed Brooke.” I said with a grin of pride. “Yeah, I saw.” He said glancing at the floor. “And then Mark and his buddies came up behind you and threw you to the ground. Remember?” “Yeah, now I remember.”I responded as clarity came back to me; besides the fact that Kyle was here with me.

            “What are you doing here, Kyle?” I asked in a wavering tone. “I saw the whole thing happen, with you and Brooke and Mark and you guys brawling it out; quite a show.” He replied. “I tried to help you out, but his buddies noticed and pushed me away. By the time I was done with them, you were knocked out outside of the door. I called an ambulance and thought you’d be really confused when you woke up, so I came along for the ride.” “Oh, thanks.” “No need to, everyone else ran in panic.”

            I lay back studying the blank ceiling of the ambulance. I felt dried blood on my face and tasted it in my mouth. I felt dehydrated. “I never knew you had a thing for Brooke.” He said breaking the silence between us. “Have I not made it obvious enough?” I asked jokingly. Kyle laughed. I figured he wanted to be serious. “I’m obsessed with her.” I said turning on my side facing him. “I have been, for years. I just can’t put such feelings into words.” “Yeah, she’s pretty cute.” He said awkwardly.

            Silence bound its way between us once again bringing an odd feeling as well. I knew he wanted Brooke back. I never knew exactly what happened with them. I decided to ask to kill time and get some answers.

            “You used to like her, didn't you?” He looked up at me, “Still do.” “I’m sorry. If you don’t mind, may I ask what happened between you?” “I don’t know, all I know is that I was the reason we broke up though,” he said abruptly. “I treated her like crap and…” he ended in a melancholy sigh. I could see tears well up in his eyes. “Maybe,” he coughed between sobs. “Maybe if I were just more considerate, she would still be mine.” I felt awkward listening to him because I love the one who was once his. “It’s alright.” I said trying to lift his spirits. “I’m sure you did the best you could.” He continued to weep.

            The rest of the ride was quiet, other than his sniffles and crying slowly fading away. Never have I felt empathy for Kyle. For once in my life, I saw someone with struggles akin to mine. Maybe Kyle was just like me, fighting the same battles and trying to mend the same wounds.  I felt somewhat reassured knowing I am not the only one coping with such issues.

           

            The ambulance pulled up to the hospital with a sudden stop. I enjoyed the feeling of moving; it was very calming for some reason. As I was pulled into the hospital, I could see my mother’s car in the parking lot. It was not until I was inside that I saw my family sitting in the waiting room with confused faces.

            I was cleansed of blood and wounds. I was actually cut a few times. Bruises and scratches littered my legs and arms. The nurses thought I was attacked by some wild animal, which in a way I was. I lost so much blood that a transfusion was necessary. They truly showed no mercy.

            After I was taken care of, my family came in. They asked if I was okay (any sane person would know that I was not okay, but it’s my family we’re talking about) and so on. I do not recall much of the out of place meeting. It is when Brooke visited that I remember the most clearly. I was laid back on my bed half asleep when she came to the door.

            “Ryan, is that you?” she uttered in a horrified tone.

“Hey, Brooke.” I said sitting up. She pushed me back down gently, just like Kyle in the ambulance. “The nurse told me you should rest awhile.” She said, just like Kyle.

“Brooke, I feel fine, it’s just I’m a little beat up, that’s all.” “A little?” she asked rhetorically. I laughed and she did too. For a second we stopped and looked at each other in silence. She smiled and so did I. Then tears welled up in her eyes and she hugged me. I held her to my chest, letting her cry into it. “I’m okay, Brooke, I’m okay.” She continued to weep continuously. I never had this kind of relationship with another girl. It felt weird and strange, but greater than anything as well. The two are an odd combo but they were what held us together in the hospital bed.

After a long while of our crying, she calmed down and pulled herself together. “Scooche, I want to sit with you.” She said wiping a tear off her cheek. I moved over to let enough space for her. She lay down and threw her arm over my chest. That strange feeling of having such a relationship with her came back and reddened my face. It is quite sad being fourteen and never once having this experience.

We talked lying on the hospital bed together admiring each other. I noticed her shirt was torn and a faint scratch on her cheek. “Brooke, what happened after the dance? Were you hurt?” I asked. “It’s sweet of you to be concerned, but I’m okay, thank you.” I nodded and motioned for her to continue. “When I saw Mark come up behind you and throw you, I screamed. I had no clue he would do that to you. I thought you two used to be good friends.” We used to be ‘friends’ back in the fourth grade, but four years passed and he grew a hatred for me. I don’t know where that hatred came from though. Trying to talk things out seems like the most logical thing to do, but I could never see that happening, not between us (although, I could never see Brooke being mine, but she is lying across me in my hospital bed, strange).

“Yeah, we used to be, in fourth grade,” I said “but I have no clue what happened between us.” “Well didn't you ever try talking with him?” she said mirroring my thoughts exactly. The coincidence scared me a little. “I would never talk to him about something serious let alone anything. I’m just too…” I said losing the word. “Shy? I’m not so sure.” She looked puzzled. “Have you ever tried to talk with him about anything at all?” “No, and I don’t want to.” I said. “Listen,” I said interrupting the silence “this isn't your concern, I mean, I appreciate that you are worried about my safety, but I don’t want you to worry about it. I will handle it.” She began to fade back into an emotional state. “But what if this happens again? You know what Mark and his friends did to you but do you really know what they can do?” I sat with a still expression.

“Ryan, I don’t want you to fight anymore. It pains me too much to see you have to suffer like this. I've been watching you every moment you haven’t been watching me, and I learned a lot about you. Please, don’t fight with Mark anymore, for me.” She said this in such a voice that I felt guilty, like I have been hurting her more than Mark has been hurting me. Her innocent eyes looked into my lame ones and soon they filled with tears once again. “Brooke,” I said squeezing her closer to me. “I need to fight back. I can’t let him beat on me anymore. He is going to keep doing whatever he wants unless I draw the boundaries. I’m sorry, but I have to do this; I have to know I’m more than just a ragdoll to him.”

She took a moment, draining her beautiful eyes. Mine became heavy as well knowing that she was upset. “Brooke, I promise to you that I will be fine.” I held her as she sobbed heavily. “I love you so much.” I whispered between tears and kissing her forehead. Her weeping slowly became soft whimpers and she calmed down.

            We both lay on the hospital bed with arms clutching one another as tiredness swept through us and carried Brooke and I in to a deep sleep.

 

            The morning sun rose outside of the hospital as a new day started. Brooke was no longer in my arms but left a message on my phone to see her once I recover. My body still ached of the punches and kicks. Dark, purple bruises covered my legs and arms. I was told to be in good enough condition to spend this night in my own bed.

My family picked me up that evening and brought me home. The next day, I planned to finally end Mark’s control over my life. I just wasn't sure how though.

 

As I walked down the street hiding from the streetlights, the sickening feeling came back; making me feel so nauseous. I felt as if I was about to throw up. Every event in the past few days felt wrong and out of place for my life. I’m not supposed to be going to some kid’s house to get back at him for everything he has done to me; I’m supposed to finish that language arts essay. I’m not supposed to be dating the most beautiful girl I have ever met; I belong far away from the public.

I continued down the dark street to an address I wasn't even sure was his. I didn't even know what I was going to do once I got there.

Fireflies rode the night as it brushed over Maryland. They danced their dance of joy and lit up with happiness. This was odd as it was late October; far too cold for fireflies.

Within minutes, the air surrounding me became pitch black as the only streetlights above me were broken. I still crept through the stretched dark void, feeling vulnerable from all sides. Just as I began running for the cover of light, a hand wrapped around my mouth and dropped me onto the hard cement.

“Yeah, like that Julian!” I heard an entertained voice yell. I stood up only to be swung at. I ducked and tackled him, banging his head on a car. I turned and saw well over five guys break from the night into the streetlight. Some of the faces were familiar, others were not, but they were all dangerous.

“Ryan? That was you who just did that?” one of them asked. “Never knew you had that in you.” The dim figures shifted around me like wolves, waiting for a weak spot to strike. “Mark said there was some loser coming here, but I didn't expect you.” He said mockingly. “I don’t want to fight with you.” I shouted into the cold air. “I only have business with Mark; this is no one else’s problem.” “Oh, chickening out I see?” a different figure growled. “Now that is expected of you, Shyboy.” “Shut up!” I yelled back. “Where’s Mark?” I asked angrily. “Mark? He’s just chilling with your girl, Brooke. I’m sure they’re getting cozier together than she was with you.” another laughed.

“Yeah! What’s up with that anyway, huh?” someone said. “Wait, you’re with Brooke? Ahaha!” he said laughing hysterically. “Yeah, I am with her, you've got a problem with that?” I replied with some sort of confidence. “Yeah, I do have a problem with that, and I’m gonna take care of it right now.” He ran swinging his fist through the air. I ducked and he smashed a car window cutting his hand. I grabbed him by the back of his shirt and threw him into someone else.

Everyone else jumped onto me, kicking, punching, and swearing. For a moment I wondered how these animals grew up in a Catholic school. “Get off of me!” I yelled elbowing a face. The thought of Brooke reentered my mind. I had a feeling she was being hurt. I plowed my way out of the pile. Most of the guys were wrestling themselves not noticing I was out.

“Ryan, nice evening isn't it?” a hateful voice spoke.

Mark came from an alleyway with a feint grin of mockery. “Just the guy I was looking for.” I said in hatefulness. “How did I know you would come looking for me?” he asked acting surprised. He began laughing. “Haha, you really got me good there old friend.”

“You think we’re friends?” I questioned. “When were we not?” he answered sarcastically. “What’s your problem Mark?”

“Me?” he said looking behind him. “You’re talking to me?” He started out of the light vanishing into the dark. “I think you’re mistaken. See, there is nothing wrong with me, okay?” I heard the chambering of a round. “I’m not the crazy one, Ryan. I’m not the anti-social one.” His steps became louder and closer but I stood in the streetlight paralyzed; unable to move. My breaths became shorter and my chest felt weighted.

“That would be you, Ryan. The psychopath who put my name on a kill list! Like, who the hell does that?” he asked shouting loudly. “Mark, that was three damn years ago, we were kids! Nothing you say when you’re a kid matters. I hardly even knew what that meant!”

“And that pretty face, Brooke; you think you’re something big now that she’s under your arm?” “Dude, what the hell are you talking about?” I asked in fear. “Don’t act like you two aren't something! We all saw you at the dance.” “You must not understand anything about me.” I said.

“Brooke is more than a pretty face.” His steps stopped. “She’s more than some girl who’s fun to look at. You can’t see that though. You’re too selfish, too blind to see who Brooke really is. She may be another hot girl to you, but to me, she’s all I need.” Silence.

“Even more reason to kill you.” He said “No!” He fired the gun, missing me. He swore and I jumped at him. I hit a head and reached for the gun, ripping it out of his hand. Just as I was ready to beat him with the butt, something hit me in the back of the head. I fell hitting the asphalt hard.

Someone ran over to Mark and lifted him up. I was kicked in the side rolling me into the streetlight. Everything began fading slowly.

“Thanks, Gerald.” Mark grunted getting to his feet. “I have no idea how I missed him, I was aiming down sights his entire speech about love and crap.” “I wasn't letting this one go.” Gerald replied as if he was his loyal dog. I saw the gun lying on the curb opposite of the two.

“Where’s everyone else at?” Mark asked. “Ryan beat them pretty well.” You’re full of surprises aren't you Ryan?” Mark asked turning to me.

He noticed I was reaching for the gun and walked over next to me. “Go ahead; see if you can get it.” He said kneeling down. As my hand touched to handle, he stomped on my hand taking the gun and firing a shot in my knee. I screamed in agonizing pain. “You want to know what was wrong with you, Ryan. Why this happened to you?” I coughed without giving any response. “You never did what I did.” He said pulling me up to him.

“I’m the king here, welcome to my kingdom.” He said firing the gun into my stomach.

“Ryan!” a feminine voice screeched behind me louder than the gunshot. “Oh, looks like we have a visitor!” Mark said cheerfully. “Mark! Why did you do this!?” Brooke screamed in terror. “Do what? Did something not go as planned?” Brooke ran to me lifting my head and kissing me as her heavy tears flowed onto my dirty face.

“Brooke…” I whispered weakly.

“Ryan, please… no.” she said kissing me again.

“Brooke, I love you so much.” I said between coughs. “Ryan, I need you! No, no, no! Don’t die!” she cried

“I love you… so… much.” I took a last breath. Sirens roared as my eyes closed and Brooke kneeled over me, holding me.

 

 

 

I woke up, screaming in bed. I was alive

It took a moment to realize, but I was alive. I looked at my clock and it read 4:19.

The whole thing was a dream; an awful, amazing dream. I checked my phone and saw that Brooke had sent me a message:

hey, sorry if I woke you up, but I just had the weirdest dream about you. it was actually sad but touching at the same time. Hope we can talk about it tomorrow!

I turned my phone off, holding it to my chest. I could still feel her head resting on it. Something came to mind, and I felt the urge to go outside into the bitter dark night. I opened the door and walked onto my patio. I sat on the ledge, right where I did a few hours before, and thought.

 

Author's Note

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