Plucking Petals

Here is a poem I wrote after taking my IB Bio HL test which incidentally has a lot of plants on it, hence the highly technical terms.

I sit in my backyard,

Alone on the dead grass

Plucking petals off a dandelion.

He loves me, I love him not

 

The weeds surround my entire body,

Nearly enveloping me with their tendrils,

Creeping closer and closer with every breath.

He loves me, I love him not

 

The brown grass crunches under my titanic weight,

Not turgid anymore with the fluids filling it’s cellulose,

But now flaccid, limply laying down its chloroplasts to die.

He loves me, I love him not

 

The petals of the yellow flower have dissipated and are now off with the breezes,

Swimming across the air, floating in the nearby streams, anywhere but here,

And I sigh deeply sitting in my backyard with a naked flower in my palms

He loves me,

I love

Him

Not

Author's Note

Here, I attempted to use the visual qualities of a poem to add to the meaning. Do you think that this effect worked?

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A very sweet and lovely poem...Thank you for penning...:)....................

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed this...nicely done...yes I think it worked to answer your question.

[Beau Peyton]

nice imagery...I like how you've used the dead grass as a symbol as well as the flower, which is of course the antithesis of the grass...the person is clinging to its life, to hope, perhaps and then hope and life (perhaps) is gone.

[Lexy]

I love this. The technical terms threw me off, slightly, but I'm sure if I knew them, I'd appreciate them a whole lot more.

I love the refrain of "He loves me, I love him not." I wanna know more about the narrator, and the fact that this poem isn't really about the narrator but the flower is cool.
I think the imagery works. Even if it didn't, I'd applaud your attempt to use imagery. Nothing like a bit of an experiment :)

[Kuhr Gred]

great imagination.. and it's about love.. haha .. well written.. KEEP IT UP! :)
- Kuhr Gred

[K-mo]

this is really good, has nice imagery and is very well written!

[selkietales]

The visual qualities worked! It conveys the emotion tied in with the repeated lines well :)

[Lumière Dé..]

I love how its so thoughtful and emotional but you managed to use words like cellulose and chloroplast. I love the description of the 'naked flower' I think it puts it perfectly. Well done :)

[that-little-green-monst..]

I really love this poem. I love the last stanza and I love how you repeated the lines "He loves me, I love him not." Great job!