Procul

A bit more personal than the other ones

Just leave me here, I'll be alright.

I won't need a ride home tonight.

Cuz even if I get in that car and you drive me home

I'll traverse the jowls of a skeleton edifice

only to play a game of adverted glances and uneasy air

heavy and burning in my lungs

choking with every breath and muffled cry.

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

Please don't drive me home tonight.

Cuz no matter how hard you scrub,

bruises can't be cleaned.

And no matter how far away I go

I am always in that trench.

Unlike you, I never leave home.

Even while you sit here holding me tight

staring out at the stars and lights

and you think to yourself that, damn...this is perfection,

I'm merely a glitch, a shadow cast by something darker

hidden away in a black hole where no light escapes.

Just get in your car, I'll be alright.

I'll find my way back home tonight.

I wish I could tell you more but you should just go.

While I appreciate having your arm around me,

one hand burrowed deep in my hair

the contrast of your warm body and the night air

The occasional kiss on the head

hearing your cheeks turn red,

I'm sure you can feel my smile on your chest...

but this is too perfect for someone like me

coming from a place where perfection is a myth

just let me run off

down this hill and into the forest

running through trees and leaves

running till my feet bleed and I can't take more of the pain

till I reach a clearing with no one around

and just collapse to the ground my hands burrowed in the dirt

and scream because I hurt.

My whole body echoing with the sensation,

trembling and weak as if the crisp nocturnal cold were nibbling away at my flesh

my ears turning numb...

Cuz the night would be screaming right back at me.

The air goes still and so have you

as a tear falls onto the hand that you clutch me with.

“Okay” you say and slowly move away.

You reach for your keys and unlock your car

and as you start to get in I get up and say softly

I know I'm a mess...I'm not just fine.

Do you think that I can stay the night.

You smile and hold me tight.

Don't worry, Josh, you'll be alright.

And yes, you can stay tonight...

But he never hears me and drives away.

And once again. I'm stuck in two places at once.

Still lost.