Forsaken

Longing feeling for a lover's, love and passion

Oh little did I know, what the heart desired
During the time the heart did beat
Beat with no direction
For the one it did beat for
Was near

Love was known to the heart
Love flooded the heart

My love locked lips with me
The greatest please
That filled the heart

But little did I know someday
He who made the heart
Beat,would take the heart beat
Away, and the heart forsaken
To beat

Silent the heart shall be
Until the day the lover
Shall resurrect it with passion strong, that the
Heart shall struggle to contain it
The heart shall swim in love
Again.

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar problems and the use of commas , I only started writting now I'm still very new to it .THANK YOU

Reviews

[Skai Rain]

Great poem! It's definitely better than I could ever do. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work!

[jo]

Thank you guys for the great reviews, I really appreciate it so much...

[Kenaz]

The premise is pretty, but the way you have written the poem is too crowded. Refrain from using the same words like "heart" or "love" multiple times in the same stanza; alternate words or phrases could bring more out of your writing and make it more interesting. :D

-K

[sergio]

this might not be taken seriously from a high schooler,but this poem is very well constructed.

[R Smith]

another tale of sorrow and love lost which is the background for a work of great poetry, you may be new Jo but you have the passion of a poet, well done :)

[Jamsheed Shafi]

nicely written poem.
hope u continue to share ur writings with us in future also.