Fire in the Neighborhood

There's a mysterious fire in the neighborhood and one man knows the cause.

The house fell apart as it slowly burned to the ground. Windows were blown out. The wooden floor boards blackened and disintegrated. The crystal chandeliers hung high above it all, dangling over their doom. The roof collapsed, allowing a thick cloud of smoke to slowly float out. the house was dying.

I pulled up in my old black pick up truck to see it all. The burning house...the thick cloud of smoke...The helpless man and woman who owned the house, their mouths frozen in an "O" of terror. Yet I sat...watching. It was late...really late. A little after midnight to be exact. The neighborhood was sleeping soundly...all but the burning couple...and me of course.

I opened the car door slowly and stepped out into the night. The smell of ashes greeted me like a loyal canine. I grabbed my wooden cane from under my seat and started for the house. The grass crunched under my feet. The heat from the flames must have scorched it. I finally made my way up to the front door. I was directly below a blown out window. The couple stared down at me, thinking I was there to help them. "Help us!" they repeatedly screamed. I looked up at them and chuckled to myself. Then I saw something I had not planned on. A child who looked to be about two years old...cradled in the arms of the mother. How could this be? I was certain that they had no children! I took in a deep breath...and exhaled. "Toss down the child." I said once I had regained my composure. "What?" the mother said, shocked. "Toss me down the damn child!" I hissed. I dropped my cane and raised both of my arms. The woman kissed the baby and got on her knees. She stretched her arms down as far as she could and then let go. The baby fell two stories...right into my arms. I turned and walked back to my truck.

Who knows why I waited so long to call the fire department? I surely don't. Who knows why the fire started? Hopefully no one. I pulled my truck full of gasoline, lighter fluid, and matches around the back of the house and took the baby inside. Then I checked on my farm. The farm that a certain wealthy couple wanted to buy. The farm that I refused to part with. The same farm that was forcefully taken from me when I couldn't pay the bills. The farm that cost that couple their lives. The farm that would be mine once again.

Author's Note

I wrote this just this morning, so it made need a little tweaking. Any reviews at all would help. Thanks :)

Reviews

[Sarah Wilson]

Love the detail and mystery. You brought it all together very nicely in the end. The only thing wrong with it that i can find is that the beginning paragraph is very slightly choppy. I love the mood as well. :)

[karen101]

I liked this a lot. I loved how it unfolds. The end was a little confusing. Does he take the baby back into the burning house or a different house? All in all a good short story

[Jordan Easley]

Thanks for the review! Sorry I took so long to reply. I have been offline for quite some time. To answer your question, he takes the baby back to his farm. I put that detail in to show that the old man did have compassion, and the only reason that he burned down the wealth couple's house was because of the compassion he had for his farm. Glad you liked it :)

[Miss Alex]

I love it! Short but effective. The fact that you say 'the house is dying'. I have always thought that houses seemed to have souls. It's like once they are empty they start to die because they have no one to care for them anymore. Great twist too. I like that you added the cane, so I know that this is someone of age and I can imagine someone who lived on the farm for their entire life and I know how tragic it would be to suffer a foreclosure after you have spent your entire life working the land. Hey you said reviews for reviews so check out my first posting: Lo's demise and tell me what you think.

[vp79]

I think that it's missing character development. The beginning is good and it pulls the reader into it, but it seems like there is no real point of view. I did think it was a good start though. Keep at it.

[Talismanic]

Brilliance:) I really like how the climax is the motif; often it's the other way round in a shortstory and that gets really predictable. This way you grab your reader's attention and keep us guessing through to the last line.

[writingcrazy55555]

Nice story, great job! Nice use of similies: "like a loyal canine", and I liked your description of the scene. One comment though: whenever a new person talks, there should be a new paragraph. (I know, I'm really nitpicking). All in all, I loved it! :)

[Jordan Easley]

I know. I didn't catch that. Thanks :). Like I said, I sort of just rushed to upload it this morning. I'll be more careful next time. Thanks for the awesome review though :)

[writingcrazy55555]

Your welcome! :)

[Globy]

thats very nice Jordan. Its a little story full of images. Its really like watching a movie. :)

Globy
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[Jordan Easley]

I don't have any right now, but if I do I'll let you know. Thank you :)