Darkest Petals

A man sits and plucks a field of dark roses to see if the one he loves will love him back.

Darkest Petals

The darkest petals of the rose hit the ground with an inaudible thud. I reached for the darkest petals...yes the darekst ones. I pluck away the petals one by one. "Loves me..." I chanted, "Loves me not...Loves me...Loves me not..." love...easily confused with lust. Is there really a difference? I continued the chant. The light overhead seemed to dim. I smiled. Focus, I told myself. I continued plucking the petals of the red and black rose. I wondered what the outcome would be. Would she love me? Or would she not? I filled myself with suspense. Then  Ithought of her; her red hair as red as the rose i held. Her eyes...black as coal. I loved her...but would she love me? We shall see, I thought. As the petals of the rose diminished in number, the candle next to me came close to going out. I frowned. I must move quickly, I thought.I ran a hand through my hair and wiped sweat off my forehead. This one, I thought, this will be the rose. I plucked another petal. I started whistling a tune to lighten the mood. I grew weary so I rested on the soft dirt. So many petals, I thought, so many petals. But with every heartbeat my faith grew stronger. I knew this rose would say what I wanted...it had to. I finally busted with excitement. I plucked the petals faster and faster. Almost there, I sang, almost there. I came to the last two petals. I plucked one, "Loves me..." only one remained. I stretched forth a shaky hand. I slowly plucked the last petal..."Loves me not..." silence filled the garden. My breath caught up in my throat. "No..." I whispered, "NO! NO! NO!" I screamed. I finsihed and the garden grew silent again. I threw the dead rose in a pile with ther other ones I plucked before. But then it grew darker...as dark as the petals of the rose. I pulled a new rose from the ground. "This one..." I smiled, "This will be the one..." I began plucking again. The candle dimmed again. But this time it went out. I couldn't see the rose I held. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I tossed the fresh rose on the pile of the dead ones. The darkness began to swallow me up. The blood red rose swallowed me up...Then I was falling...falling into a garden of roses. I smiled. One of these must be the right one, I thought. I began plucking once more. How far would you go for love?

Author's Note

Any review would be greatly appreciated. Thanks :)

Reviews

[Talismanic]

Famailiar symbols we can relate to. The idea of frantically stripping one rose after another is intense and verry poignant; love is going to waste but a love that is not returned can never be anything but obsession.
'Then I thought of her'
'finally busted with excitement' should be 'burst' maybe?
The verry last line felt a little forced or rushed like it doesn't quite fit with the tone of the rest. I think finnishing on 'I began plucking once more' has more impact.

Rythm and structure work perfectly. The transition from one image to the next is seamless. Thanxs for the read:)

[Jordan Easley]

Thank you for this encouraging review. I was thinking of making some of those changes anyway. That was a real confirmation. Thanks :)

[Miss Alex]

I like the desperation, the insanity. Invokes feeling.

[Jade-UH]

This is so lovely, and almost heart braking, but in the end its not what you would think. It brings to mind the phrase "lots of fist in the sea" or however it goes. Great read.

[Dean Kuch®]

Nothing causes a young man to bite the bullet harder than unrequited love. Having to go to school and see that special someone in the halls with someone else ( it's usually someone you detest, but maybe only because they have what you don't ), it sure can be a bitter pill to swallow.
I thought it ironic that the character in your story keep choosing rose after rose, wasting all of that time plucking, instead of simply taking those roses intact to the object of his desire. That would have made a clearer profession of his affection. Nice story...

[Jordan Easley]

Thanks. That's what I was going for :)