Beyond Exposure

Story outline for short film. (Rough) (sorry for grammatical errors) PS I would be grateful for some constructive constructive criticism.

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Chapter 1

“Visiting an Old Friend”

A snow covered forest and fields lye in the distance as Steve, wearing camouflaged hunting gear, exits out the front door. He gazes far across the snow covered cornfield and into the deep wooded forest. Ready to hunt, he picks up a case that holds his Thirty Out Of Six high-powered rifle. In one motion he whips around the gun strap and rests it on his right shoulder. Taking a deep sigh, Steve begins trudging across the cornfield toward the forest. At the foot of the forest Steve stops and slowly looks up toward the sunlit sky. He holds his breath and continues into the woods. 

Pacing himself through the heavy snow, Steve continues deeper into the wooded landscape. Surrounded by the sound of his footsteps compacting into the snow and chirping birds, Steve knows he’s getting close. Each tree is becoming more and more memorable as he comes to a halt. He gazes at one specific tree. This “tree” is the “tree” that changed his life forever. Steve’s legs begin to shudder as he walks toward the “tree”. He kneels down at the base and begins digging up snow. Buried deep is a little rustic box. He reaches and pulls out the box, sets it on the ground and unhinges the locks. Steve tilts back as a tiny tear rolls down his cheek. Steve pauses because he can’t finish opening the fragile box. He takes a deep breath and glares at the “tree” as a haunting memory pops in his head. 

Sixteen years before. Jonah, Steve’s older brother, and Steve are out hunting by the “tree”. Jonah decides to play a cruel joke on the newbie and hides behind the “tree”. He waits as Steve bumbles and stumbles around calling out to his older brother. Jonah pops out. Frightened, Steve closes his eyes and pulls the trigger as his rifle points in the area of his older brother. Steve plunges to the ground as the rifle discharges. Jonah falls milliseconds after as his Thirty Out Of Six rifle plummets to the ground.

Present. Steve opens his eyes to reveal that he has opened up the box. In it rests and old photo of Jonah, a single bullet casing, few dead flowers, rolled up piece of withered paper and a black pen. He unwraps the paper reveling the words, “God forgive me and brother forgive me.” Under those words are crossed out years. Steve writes the day, month and year and crosses it out. He rolls up the paper and places it back into the box. Steve can’t stomach to be reminded of his bother no longer so he caps the box and places it back into the hole. Steve stands to his feet and collapses the hole. Gun in hand, he continues on his ritualistic hunt. 

Steve passes numerous fields and woodlands as he hunts for a 12-point buck.

 

Chapter 2

“Plummet”

The sunlight peaks through the barren trees as Steve tired and restless, walks. He hasn’t seen a deer yet. His 12-gage Remington shotgun drags against the snow as he travels alongside the slushy creek; sweat forms ice around his untended goatee as he takes a deep breath of the cool Midwest air. 

Restless, Steve pauses and unzips his camouflage jacket and pulls out an aged steal flask. Steve opens his mittens revealing his cold pale fingers and unscrews the cap. Steve takes another quick breath before he gulps down some homemade moonshine. He caps the flask and tucks it back into his jacket.

Steve takes a deep unpleasant sigh as the slushy creek has opened up to a frozen river. He hunches over and grabs a snow covered bolder and proceeds to toss it onto the icy river. A clunk and slide, the rock comes to a halt. Cautious, Steve begins the 30-yard crossing. 

Midway, Steve takes a step. The frozen river gives off a shutter as the imprint causes a tiny fault line. He stops dead in his tracks as cold air pours out of his mouth. Creaks and cracks the ice breaks causing Steve to plummet to bottom of the frigid river.

The river current sucks Steve up under the ice like a vacuum. Silence. All that remains is Steve’s Thirty Out Of Six riffle. Suddenly, a big splash as Steve submerges out of the hole. He inhales for air as he tries to lift himself out of the hole. The frigid water came as a shock and Steve can barely move. After struggling for a minute Steve finally pulls himself out. He lies on the ice and he tries to catch his breathe. He is on the verge of going into shock. Steve looks down at his right leg and sees a deep gash with blood seeping out. He faints. 

“Stage 1”

     Steve wakes with violent pats of shallow breaths. He tries to lift his right leg. No movement. He lays there, soaked and clueless. His hands begin to quiver and shake. Numbness. Steve tries to touch his fingers to get “any” movement out of them. Nothing. He lies there as if he is frozen in time. The only thing that moves is his stomach as it sucks in and out after each short and aggressive breath. 

Sixteen years before. Steve rises to his feet as his brother screams out in unbearable pain. He runs over to the tree and peeks around. A dark blood trail leads up to his brother lying in his own pool of blood. Four holes in the chest. Blood seeps out of Jonah’s mouth as he struggles for air. “Steve…Steve” Jonah cries out. Steve is in shock. He tries to plug the holes with his palms. Each touch causes Jonah to scream. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” cries Steve. “My God, oh my God Jonah. I’m sorry” says Steve. Jonah tries to speak but instead coughs up a pile of thick blood.

“Stage 2”

Steve “army” crawls. Each drag is excruciating. He feels nothing but the frigid air. Big and soft snowflakes pound against his face as it begins to blizzard. Steve’s clothes and skin are freezing over but he struggles onward to the coast. Blood covers Steve’s lips due to grinding of teeth and shivering. He stops midway. He tries to move is right arm but nothing. His hands are balled up; blue, frozen and useless. He struggles for air followed by violent shivers. Steve labors on. 

 

Chapter 3

“Stupor” (Stage 3)

     Steve somehow makes it to the coast. Each movement causes severe “sharp” pain. He can’t help but yell out after each step because that’s the only thing he can focus on. He looks back and sees a trail of his dark red blood. He yells out again. He looks to his left but see nothing but blurred out blobs. He faints in and out of unconsciousness. Fifteen feet to his right is a giant green porcupine tree. He crawls underneath.

Sixteen years before. Steve has Jonah tightly wrapped up in his arms. Blood is everywhere. Hysteria. Jonah says his last words, “I forgive you brother”. Jonah begins to pant as he runs out of air. “Jonah…Jonah…JONAH” yells Steve.

Present. Steve’s entire body has “puffed out”. He ducks his head into his jacket. Blackness.

“Hallucination”

     Steve wakes to a voice yelling out his name. A dark figure slowly walks though the blizzard towards Steve. “Steve, where are you?” it yells out. Steve tries to speak but his body won’t allow. He gets out a word as he moves out under the tree. “HELP.” Steve sits up. Blood still everywhere. The mysterious person gets closer. Through the snow Steve sees “Himself”. Non-stop tears roll down “Himself’s” cheeks. He gets within inches of Steve and they look eye to eye. Tears roll down both of their faces. “I forgive you” says “Himself”. The trees turn sideways as Steve falls unconscious. 

     Present. Steve lies under the tree lifeless and half naked. The blizzard turns into sunlight and the sun sets and rises as his body goes through the long cycle of decomposition. Grass sprouts up and his body as now become one with the earth as a flower sprouts up. 

The End.                 

 

Reviews

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

i love the description in this, very good