Jet-Black Dawn

The opening to the Prologue of a work in progress. Tell me what you think :)

February 4th, 2016.

X-Day. The Exodus. My Jet-Black Dawn.

You know how the story goes. The man with the eyes full of stars went on TV and said terrible things.

You were watching, I know, because of course you were. How could you not? You could’ve run away, sure, run somewhere remote without a single screen in sight, but you didn’t, did you? Of course not. I don’t blame you. No one could’ve looked away.

After all, he was saying such terrible things!

And I know you just couldn’t believe your eyes. Hell, you no longer trusted your own ears. And then he was done, done and gone in a sudden storm of bitter static, and for the first time in your life you understood what it’s like to feel utterly alone - to know, beyond any reasonable doubt, there’s no one and nothing out there, looking out for you.

Not anymore, anyway.

That night, that bleak and endless night, you had the last dream you’ll ever have. It was a sick dream, black and dead and stifling. You dreamed of the dead, of death, of dying, and then you never dreamed again. These days, if and when you finally manage to fall asleep, there’s only darkness now, silent shapeless shadows that creep into your room and slither over your skin and swallow you whole.

You wake up feeling cold, wickedly cold, thinking of the terrible things the mad man said, reliving that day over and over in your fucked-up head (because you are fucked-up, just like the rest of us, and you know it). You wonder what you could do to make it all better, even though you know it’s no use. There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing left to say.

He’s gone and it’s for good, just like he said it would be. They’re all gone.

There’s only darkness now.

You know how it goes. He went on TV and said terrible things…

Two weeks later, a billion people were dead.

Reviews

[David Jae]

I like what you've done here, it reminds me off the opening to Pacific Rim. I think your opening and closing sentences are very strong and set the scene well.

The middle has some powerful imagery, but it lacks some immediacy. In my opinion, it would have been better in the first person, using I rather than you. In that way, you can bring in more about your Protagonist.
Still, I'd like to read more.

Ganbare

[Jonas Leao]

Thank you for the feedback.
I do agree with you about the change to the first person. As this is a very rough draft, I still have a lot of work to do, and I'll certainly keep it in mind when I go through the whole thing once I'm done.

[David Jae]

You're welcome.
David Jae