All That I Am

ummm ya, its obvious

 

All that I am or ever hope to be
Lies in your hands
You are my destiny
When you are in my arms I rule the world
And when were far apart, how cruel the world

All that I want is to be near to you
To spend my life making it clear to you
You are my heart, my soul, my dream come true
All that I am, I am because of you

All that I want is to be near to you
To spend my life making it clear to you
You are my heart, my soul, my dream come true
All that I am, I am because of you

Reviews

[CircusNerd]

haha looks like somebody's gathered quite a cult of fangirl reviews here :) however, mine won't be pansy-like. The flow was decent - easily improvable of course, but it seems to show more affection towards the subject in question due to its irregularity. Also, the line sequence 5-4-4 is odd, and if that's what was meant to happen, then there's no reason to argue. Completely repeating the second stanza verbatim, however, makes it seem slightly redundant :(
"To spend my life making it clear to you
You are my heart, my soul, my dream come true"
making what clear?
THAT you are my heart, etc....
if you leave the word out, it seems to skip to a different topic.
"And when were far apart, how cruel the world"
well, one of them has to be the independent clause for this to make sense...but neither of them are. try "how cruel is the world" since cruel isn't a verb.
yea, i think that covers the gist of the issues here :) well written, clearly passionate, and a wonderful read. I'm sure you made a girl very happy :)

[Lucky Me]

Awwwww. Why can't I have a boy like you. Lucky girl, lucky girl. Nicely written. Some improper grammar, but we all do it :)

[Marina]

This is really great.

I don't think i've actually seen a boy/man/male (sorry) profess such feeling in a manner. It's sort of depressing actually, when boys think they need to be all toughness. This is a beautiful poem. Definitely favoriting.

Fantastic job.

xxStaySweet (or else),
maRina

[Jessica]

omg i love this poem so sweet! nice jobb!

[Shadow of Sunshine]

awwww...that's really ummm...trying to think of a another word besides sweet, but i'm not succeding, so...sweet!! it's really good and ya xD

[Taylor H]

this was a very sweet poem

[Kenya J]

How Sweet.... this poem really shows your sensitive side... and I like it! Good Job!!!

[Chelsea (Jade)]

Wow what a love poem. You can feel the emotion that you feel when you're with the one you love. Never let that go. Good luck with your writing.

Yours Truly,
Chelsea Cheese