Poem I wrote at six in the morning

Tear this apart!

Dear all the girls I’ve fallen for, 

 And most of all for which I’ve moved too far, too fast, too soon- 

 I will still be waiting, 

 Where the pavement greets the rain 

 Or the moon is hanging slender As a dream upon a cape;

 I will still be waiting 

 Neath the lamplight And the stars 

 Beneath a bend of Christmas lights 

 And with myself in bars- 

 With someone else, perhaps with two,

But not with me, and not with you; 

 Perhaps I’ll find another but, I fear it won’t be quite as true- 

 As all things the things I had with them- 

 Or what I could have had with you.  

Author's Note

Please tear this apart!

Reviews

[Michael Sun Bear]

I wouldn’t tear this apart; I love it as is. Coincidentally, the last few days, I have been rather obsessively thinking about the women who have come and gone in my life, some to return, most not, although two or three inflicted pain that will always remain. So I was primed for your poem. I love your imagery and use of language as you move quickly from scene to scene yet unable to escape your constant feelings unchanged. You have beautifully spoken for me, and for others I’m sure. Well done!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like the "bend of Christmas lights"

it came upon a midnight clear that I clearly fell for too many girls and just didn't do it correctly...
spending Christmas Eve in a bar alone...pondering the year and realizing in the morning I will have an empty sock hanging by the chimney...it was the one she wore for the short time we were together.
j.

[Green]

You are far bolder than most inviting criticism like that, especially when you don't necessarily have a ton to criticize here (although I'm sure there are certain users around here that will gladly meet your request if they stumble over here). I also have no idea how you managed to create something like this first thing in the morning, I'm barely functioning at first, even if I just wrote down the first thing that came to mind it would probably just be gibberish, so well done there as well.
"Perhaps I’ll find another but, I fear it won’t be quite as true- / As all things the things I had with them- / Or what I could have had with you." So very to the point although I did also like all the imagery that came before.
Throughout there was a prevailing sense of lingering memories, somewhat bittersweet but resigned with the way things are. Stoic but emotional.

[DIVYA]

There's nothing in this to tear apart. I loved this absolutely. It has beauty, honesty and a rawness. Life is a rain, a sea of love and it keeps churning and changing. Bravo.