Black Mask

A story of unintended consequences.

His wife hung up the phone and walked into the bedroom.

“Who was it?” Her husband asked.

“Your sister, Helen . . . again. That’s the third time she’s called looking for you, Bill. Why don’t you just tell her no?”

He put on his vest, then pulled on his dark blue sweatshirt over it. “Listen, Mary, I am not lending her any more money. Hell, she hasn’t paid back the $250 I gave her last month.”

The woman watched as her husband fastened his gun belt and then hung the chain around his neck holding his police badge. For the past several months, she had seen this ritual repeated daily as her husband prepared for his plain-clothes assignment. She walked over to the dresser and picked up the towel her husband had dropped on the floor.

Bill glanced over as she walked toward the bathroom. “Thanks, Hon.”

“Yeah. I guess I’m your secretary and your maid,” she said, sighing heavily.

“C’mon . . .” He pleaded.

 l’ll be glad when this assignment is over,” she complained. “How close is your team to grabbing the guy wanted for the rapes?”

“Gettin’ there,” he answered. “We’re sitting on an apartment over on Third Street this afternoon. We had some info that the suspect is supposed to have a girlfriend living there. Probably be a long day.”

Mary followed him out of the room and into the kitchen. Bill grabbed his jacket, wallet and car keys. He turned to his wife and kissed her goodbye. “Don’t know what time I’ll be home tonight,” he said, while opening the side door leading to the driveway.

“Honey, do me a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

“Please call Helen; she sounds desperate. The job Dave applied for didn’t happen. They hired someone else.”

Bill shook his head. “No wonder. Dave’s a felon�"he’ll be lucky to get a job washing dishes and bussing tables. I told her she was making a big mistake letting that guy move in with her. Anyway, I don’t have time for Helen right now. This stakeout is draining all my energy.”

His wife held the door open as Bill walked to his car. Her tight-lipped frown conveyed her disappointment. “She’s at her wit’s end, Bill,” she shouted, as her husband opened the car door. “She’s your sister.”

Crap. “Okay, I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Hon. Love you.”

~~~~~

“Three o’clock,” Bill said, as he glanced at the dashboard clock.

His partner took his last sip of coffee and then tossed the empty over the seat and on the floor. “I know what time it is, but thanks for the update.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I wish we were sitting in the alley instead of out front,” said his partner, squirming in his seat. “I gotta take a leak.”

Chuckling, Bill shot back: “We’ve only been here three hours. You’ve got the bladder of a one-year-old.”

All units, we have a robbery in progress at the First State Bank, Fourth and Main.

Any units close by to respond?

Bill looked at his partner, eyebrows raised. “We’re right around the corner�"let’s go!”

“What about the stakeout?”

 “Hell, it looks like we’re sittin’ on a dry hole,” Bill replied, yanking down the gearshift lever.” We’ll come back after we see what’s going on at the bank.”

A minute later, the partners quietly pulled their unmarked car in to the far corner of the bank parking lot.

All units, bank manager advises suspect is headed toward the exit.

 He’s carrying a bag and wearing a black mask.

“I got left, you go right,” Bill barked, as they exited their vehicle. Hunching down as he crept along the few cars in the lot, Bill secreted himself at the corner of the bank and saw that his partner had taken up a position behind a van on the opposite side.

Suddenly a lone figure, wearing a dark ski mask, emerged from the door carrying a black duffle bag. The suspect began to run toward Bill’s partner.

“POLICE! STOP!” shouted the plainclothes officer, as he pointed his pistol at the robber.

Startled, the bank robber reached into his waistband and displayed a handgun before he quickly turned and ran in the opposite direction�"towards Bill.

“GUN!” The cop yelled, alerting his partner.

Seeing the suspect coming his way, Bill stepped partially away from the edge of the building. “POLICE!”

Trapped, the robber began to raise the gun. At that instant, Bill’s .40 caliber pistol exploded twice. The figure dropped both the duffle bag and the weapon before collapsing in a heap on the sidewalk.

“Cover me, partner!” Bill shouted, as he slowly approached the figure lying motionless on the ground. The officer retrieved the robber’s revolver and put it in his pants pocket. He searched the inert body for any additional weapons. “Clean.”

Bill’s partner stood over the apparently dead suspect. “Turn him over, Bill, and take off his mask. Let’s see what this guy looks like.”

“Wow, this guy’s a lightweight,” Bill remarked, as he easily turned the body over.

“Yeah, the money bag probably weighs more than he does.” His partner added.

Bill grabbed the ski mask at the top and slowly removed it. “Nooo!” He screamed. “It can’t be . . .”

Tears trickled down his cheeks as he struggled to his feet. He braced himself against the nearest parked car as sobs wracked his body. “Why, Helen. Why?”

 

 

 

Reviews

[jvava]

Interesting.
I never thought of anything like this. It's not some cliche action story - it's an emotional tale, not some thoughtless action fantasy. I like it a lot; it displays EXCELLENT emotion and realism.
Grammar could use a little bit of work, but besides that it is good.
Great story! Keep up the good work!

[John M. Wills]

Thanks for reading.

[jvava]

Your welcome!

[ansley2408]

I'm by no means a professional critic butI liked it. I found the initial paragraphs engaging and something about the sentence "-she had seen this ritual repeated daily as her husband prepared for his plain-clothes assignment." made me think perhaps that something was going to happen to Bill, made me want to read on.

Regarding constructive criticism: when the bank robbery was announced over the radio I instinctively thought it would be Dave. Although I was wrong perhaps you might disguise the fact that Helen/Dave would be involved in the robbery a little longer? Maybe at the start she is just asking for "help" instead of financial help? That said I think you have done well given the length of the piece!

The only other thing I picked up on was the ' "Nooo!" he screamed "It can't be..." '. Seemed a little bit 'Hollywood', which is fine, but I thought it might feel more tragic if he used different words, or maybe was just speechless and you describe his posture or face. Hope this helps, keep up the good work!

[John M. Wills]

I had to keep it under 1,000 words--flash fiction.