Mirror

Concrete jungle, self conscience war with inner demons and dead soldiers,

ear drums bleeding head constantly ringing, pain thats beautifully numb,

Words of a silent whisper upon nothings lips.

Do you want to love me? a shooting star wish

And as secret and sweet as a rose peddles kiss.

Restless caressing emptiness next to a bed of fading tears.

I'm on my knees.

I cant take much more of these frozen sweat nightmares and horrendous fears,

Trying to escape a terribly torn mind thats mine.

I don't want this hurt anymore, my hearts dead.

Non-beating scorn a thorn of unwanted demands and broken promises ripping apart an inner me nobody sees.

Worthlessly afraid to bring a seed into a place of decaying disease...

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

self-conscious.

eardrums.

that's beautifully numb.

nothings lips? nothings again? It's wrong syntax-wise. Do you mean nothing's lips with a possessive? I really can't tell in context. I tried.

I'm on my knees. Nice. Short. Neat. Precise.

I can't take. Needs an apostrophe.

mind that is mind. or contracted so it's "that's".

My heart is dead, or contracted: "heart's dead". Google contraction rules. Might help you out on that issue.

The last line is confusing. I'm really perplexed. It's almost frustrating. What is this sudden introduction to a seed? And the revelation of worthlessness? What disease? Me no comprende.

[Mockingbird]

it's like we're witnessing somebody losing their mind and what he is thinking as it happens. there is a quality of panic and despair. really expresses raw emotion. great job.