This depressing depression is eating me from the outside. accusing any one,every one I can,its my fault I feel this way,if i ever disagree no one will like me. It doesn't matter how or what I do this anxiety will tell me to kill my self. I tell my self to grow a pair. If i feel suicidal i'll be dragged down by my self,not a fan of life. i'm used to violence,unresolved issues,white static, No real emotion. sorry to say i want to bow out of life good day bye! Wasted my self on emotions and crashed hard. I want to reach out but I f**k up. I'm okay with not being liked,used to it. Blood wants to pump out of the veins till i die. Morning wakes me that alarm clock,some times I can't even sleep,i so want to. i tell my self to give me a break,I cry go crazy. No one really gets it,just tell me its my fault to feel this way. Bad feelings is all i have at this moment. I lived a life that won't last,told to do what ever to feel and who to like. I just crashed on the ground so hard. Must be good when you can f**k with some one like that. The end product is another casualty.
and once we can break out of that mode of being what others think we should be, doing what others tell us to do...just being ourselves...it is possible to get out of that rut, to feel alive again, and to feel life is worth living....when it is on our own terms.
very tough write to read in terms of the frustration with life that the speaker is feeling...
i have been there, too...and it isn't easy to pick ourselves up off the ground and start over.
This is very sad. You might be surprised that many of us have felt this way at one time or another. It hurts, but we have to find a way to get through even if it is only moment by moment. The pain can be unbearable...find a way...it matters.