Nervous

More what happened then a story o.O

I have to go to the doctors to get the stitches out of my hand. I'll have to look at it happen,the wound may just open up,split apart and I'll have to view it. God I feel like throwing up. Thinking to much of suicide as well. I was going to write a poem about it but its to depressing and I don't feel like crying now. Sick of holding the tears back. I know for a fact I'll let rip with the tears in the most awkward place. It's like I'm setting my self up for a massive fall. I should take some meds and be brave and seek help. Emotionally I'm patching my self up and can feel like I'm going crazy again. I spent my weekend high on vodka trying not to notice my self. All I did was make my self worse,now my bank account has been drained. People say killing your self is weak. Maybe? But you ever tried to do it,not so easy now hey? Some times I wish my self dead and play a game called "We all feel like that". No idea if people do think or feel like that. I'm just saying it to make my self feel not bad so I don't feel so alone. I'm going through that mad maze of feelings and getting over sexed. I just do any thing I can to distract my brain from the stupid thoughts. Unfortunately me being me it's never any thing productive or good. I just wish I could be happy and maintain that state. Instead of feeling like this. 

Author's Note

Be honest with opinions.