the awkward before the storm

The Awkward Before the Storm

As we walked, I took my ear plugs out and put them in the best I could. I had pretty sensitive ears, and there were people both on the rifle and pistol range. I had a little trouble getting the right earplug in, they weren’t wanting to stay in place.

"Hold on a second Anne." I asked.

I dropped the bag and did the best I could to get the earplug in; once I was satisfied we took off towards the firing line. We picked out a spot on the twenty-five yard target area and unloaded everything. We waited patiently for there to be a ceasefire so we could set up our targets.

"So are you nervous?" Anne asked.

"Nervous? A little." I said.

"It’s fun, you’ll see. Whenever I get a little stressed I like to come here. I can get away from all the people I know and their problems. This is like my little hideaway."

"Thank you for sharing it with me."

Anne looked at me, our eyes met and she smiled, "You’re welcome."

We watched some of the other people shooting, it amazed me. I hadn’t really paid much attention to guns in several hundred years. Things sure had changes since the time of muskets.

"Pip can I ask you something?" Anne asked.

"Sure."

"You’re not a pot smoker are you?"

"No, of course not."

"Okay good."

"Is that a normal thing for people to ask?"

"I don’t know, I didn’t offend you did I?"

"No, of course not. You’ll never offend me if you need to ask me something Anne."

"Okay cool." Anne said seeming relieved.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You’re the second person this week to ask that, do I look like the pot smoking type?"

Anne smiled, "Well sort of I guess."

"What about me looks like that? I’m not offended, just curious."

Anne shrugged her shoulders, "I don’t know. When I first saw you, I thought you were a skater chick. Then I heard you listening to classic rock. I can’t stand pot heads, I’m can’t tell you how grateful I am to hear that."

I smiled, "It looks like they’re going to take a break, what do we do now?"

"Come on." Anne said grabbing the targets.

We went out on the firing line and hung our targets. Once we were done we came back to our firing point. As everyone was preparing to shoot Anne filled the gun’s magazine and inserted in the pistol’s handle.

"Wow, that thing holds a lot of bullets." I said.

"Yeah. Okay watch, pull the slide back and hold it like this." Anne pointed the gun at the target and pulled the trigger.

I knew it was going to be loud when it fired, but it still startled me. Anne emptied the magazine, every bullet hit the target. She even managed to hit the bull’s-eye a few times. I was amazed, she was good.

"Wow." I said as she dropped the magazine.

"Cool huh? You ready to try?"

"I don’t know."

"Come on chicken give it a try."

"Okay."

Anne put one bullet into the magazine and handed the gun to me. I took it and a wave of panic went though me.

"Easy now. As you can see, the slide is locked to the rear. Just pull it and let it go. Aim, make sure your thumbs out of the way of the side and let her go."

I pulled the slid back and pulled the trigger. The sound of the gun going off in my hand felt amazing.

"Did I hit it?" I asked.

"No, I didn’t even see where it went. Did you have your eyes closed?"

"I think I did." I laughed.

"Okay let me see it, let’s try it again with your eyes open."

Anne reloaded and handed it back to me. This time when I fired I kept my eyes open. To my surprise I actually hit the target. I didn’t hit it in the circle, but at least I hit the paper.

"Good job!" Anne said excitedly.

She reloaded and let me try again. Anne and I shot for several hours, it was a blast. We laughed and talked; we shot up all our bullets and took the gun back. After we left the range Anne took me for coffee.

I asked her about her life growing up, and the things she enjoyed. When she asked about my life, I tried to say as little as possible. I didn’t real know how to field her questions, so I figured less was more. Anne could see I was reluctant to talk about me so she didn’t pry.

When I asked about pass relationships, she kind of shrugged it off. I could tell that wasn’t a subject she was comfortable with so I didn’t push. By the time we finished coffee, it was too late for math. I didn’t think Anne care too much, which was fine with me.

When we got back to the school, we both seemed reluctant to end the day. But I could hear Anne’s stomach growing, so I knew it was time to let her go home. It seemed a sad way to end a great day.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked.

"I don’t know yet. Probably working on my essay paper for history. I want to get that thing finished as soon as I can. If you get bored text me." I said quickly seeing her disappointment.

"Okay, I will. Thank you for coming with me today." Anne said.

"You’re welcome. I had a lot of fun today."

"Me too." Anne reached out and hugged me tightly, "Love ya, see you later."

I was a little confused by what she meant, but I chalked it up to her being friendly, "See ya." I got out of her car and went to my truck.

Anne drove off before I even got into inside. I started it up and sat for a moment. In all the years of my life, I couldn’t remember having as much fun as I did today. I smiled and headed home.

I didn’t see Anne the rest of the weekend, and it because of it, it became a long weekend. I had to make a decision about letting her closer to me. My feelings ran too deep to keep her on the outside anymore.

But talking about what I was with her was definitely out of the question. Maybe, maybe if we became good enough friends I could tell her. But how in world would you tell someone that? I didn’t have the answer, but I thought the best would be to have her over at the house.

I think the house would be a little easier to explain. And with her spending time with me alone, she would see that I wouldn’t hurt her. So by the time I sat her down and told her the whole story, it wouldn’t be so bad.

But having her over would be a new step for us. Though we never spent time with other people, this would be the first time we were alone together. I really wished I knew where she stood. Were her feelings as strong as mine?

So I made a deal with myself. This week, I would ask her to come over. If she did, I would tell her how I felt. I would put it out there for her, and let her handle it the way she thought best. If she felt the same, great. If not I would leave human society and let my lesser nature have its way.

On Monday Anne and I both arrived to school early. I was getting out of my truck when she pulled in next to me. As she got out of her car, she seemed tired.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well this weekend."

"Is everything okay?"

"Tammy my roommate had her stupid boyfriend over all weekend. Listening to her pathetic over exaggerated sex noises gets old real quick. I mean come on, the guy couldn’t really believe he’s that good?"

I chuckled, "Cheese guy."

"Exactly, cheese guy for sure."

Anne and I went up to the common area and sat on one of the couches. I plopped down dropping my back pack between my knees. Anne sat next to me and laid her head against my shoulder. If it wasn’t for the fact she was so down today, I would have enjoyed the closeness. But I hated seeing her so down.

"You smell good again." Anne said, "I know this may sound strange, but it

comforts me."

"Thank you, I’m glad." I kind of looked around not sure what to think about her comment.

"I made you uncomfortable again, sorry."

"No you didn’t." I lied, Anne smiled easily hearing though it, "You don’t have to say you’re sorry. I’m glad it comforts you. I hate seeing you down."

Anne smiled, "You ready to go to class?"

"No, but okay." in truth I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay like this forever.

As we sat in math class, I tried to think of a way to ask her to come over to the house. I wish I had Anne’s recklessness with things, I know she wouldn’t blink an eye at asking me to come over. The thought made me stop, I wonder why she hadn’t?

"I think I’m starting to understand this math stuff, I think what he’s showing us is making sense." Anne said quietly.

"Good." I said.

"I think it’s because you’re a good teacher."

"Or you just might be good at catching chickens."

Anne snickered at my comment. It was good to hear her laugh; I hoped it meant she was cheering up. As class was ending, Anne just sat there not moving.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, are we hanging at the tutor center after you history class?"

"Sure are if you want too."

"I do. I need some quality Pip time after this weekend." I liked the sound of that. Right now would be the best time to invite her over, but I chickened out.

"Okay I’ll see you after history. Hey, smile." I said.

Anne smiled, but I could see there was no humor in it. What ever happened this weekend had really taken the wind out of her sails.

History dragged of course. I didn’t know if it was the lecture, or me worried about Anne. I constantly watched the clock; I wanted to get back to Anne. I almost left early because of how slow the time was going, but I knew Anne needed to work out whatever was going on herself.

When class finally ended I hurry out to look for her. My heart about stopped

when I got to the couches and she wasn’t there. I looked around a minute and she came out of the bathroom.

"I thought you bailed."

"Sorry, let’s get out of here." she said turning away.

That was weird I thought as we went down the stairs, I was beginning to wonder if it was me. By the time we got set up in the tutor center Anne’s normal cheeriness started to come back. I wondered if it had something to do with the school.

I breezed through my math with no trouble and Anne was able to knock out hers with very little help from me. When she finished, I walked her back to the main building.

"Come here." she said giving me a tight huge.

Anne held on to me for a moment and let me go. She took a deep breath and smiled.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yes. Now I’m ready to face the rest of the day."

"Good, see you later?"

"Yes." Anne smiled and headed to her to her next class.

Tuesday was a very long day for me. I expected to at least get a text message from Anne but I didn’t. I could hardly concentrate on my finance stuff worrying about her. I went for a swim, and checked my phone a few hundred times hoping I just didn’t hear it. But every time, I felt a disappointment, there was nothing.

Not wanting to sit still, I went out and washed my old truck. After I was finished, you couldn’t tell that I had even touched it. I smiled at the ratty old thing.

I looked at my watch, it was a little after six. I wondered what was going on with Anne. I almost broke down and called her, but if she wasn’t text messaging me she had to be busy.

"Why couldn’t it be later?" I asked the sky.

I went inside and decided to clean the house. I normally had a maid come and do it, but my mind was too busy and I needed to be moving.

After I finished everything, I worked on my essay paper. I looked at my watch and was grateful that it was late enough to go to bed. I didn’t think I would sleep

anytime soon, but the day had been long enough and I wanted to know what was going on with Anne.

Around three, I think I finally went to sleep. I had checked my phone eight-hundred times while waiting to go to sleep, and I was grateful when my alarm went off.

I tornadoes though the house trying to get ready for school, and was out the door in record time. I ended up getting stuck behind the slowest person in all of Oak Harbor and managed to hit every light between home and school. When I finally arrived I was about half frantic.

I pulled into the parking lot and scanned it for Anne’s car which wasn’t there.

"Well crap!" I said angrily.

I sat down on one of the benches and waited for her. I noticed I was a little earlier then I normally arrived so I tried to calm myself. When I was about to head to class I saw Anne’s car pull in and felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders.

Anne parked and walked right to me, I instantly felt better when I saw her. She looked happy and the sun was shining in her eyes. Then I had a thought that sent a shockwave through me, what if she was with a guy yesterday?

"Hey Pip." she said walking up to me.

I didn’t know really what to say, the last thought that ran through my head had me scared to death.

"Hey Anne. What did you do yesterday?" I blurted out wishing I hadn’t.

"Oh my goodness, my stupid roommate had a fight with her boyfriend and she was a wreck. I felt bad for her but she can be really needy."

"Oh." I was slightly relieved, "I was wondering what was going on with you."

"Are you okay?" she asked sitting down next to me.

"I was kind of worried about you, but I didn’t bother you if you were busy."

"Oh Pip, hog-wash. You can always text or call me, I wouldn’t have cared. And yesterday I would have

loved the break, trust me."

"I wondered if I upset you or something." I admitted.

"Oh no Pip, you didn’t do anything. Trust me, this was all my roommate."

"Okay, you ready for class?"

"Very much so. Trust me; I’ve been looking forward to today since Monday. We’re going to have to do something other than school one of these weekends again. I really enjoyed shooting with you, but next time you’re not paying."

I smiled. I thought right now would be the perfect time to invite her over, but I chickened out.

"Definitely." was all I managed to say.

"Ready?"

"I am."

We got up and walked to math. I felt a strange high knowing that she wasn’t with someone or avoiding me yesterday. I needed to know here soon where Anne stood, I had enough ulcer time on Tuesdays without adding these type of insecurities.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. Anne and I went down to the tutor center and did our math, we joked about everything, including stuff that wasn’t even funny. By the time Anne went to her next class I felt a hundred times better.

I went home and took my afternoon swim. I swam for about an hour, took a shower, and changed into something comfortable. After I came downstairs I noticed my phone had a message. It was from Anne, she wasn’t going to be at school tomorrow. My whole world seemed to crash down on me, she was going to visit her parents in Bellingham. She was leaving tonight and would be back sometime Friday afternoon.

The next day of school was horrible. When I got to math, I had hoped that she would be there. Though I knew she wouldn’t be, it still hurt to see her empty chair. When I got to history class, Mr. Corbin had a TV at the front of the room. He took roll, started the movie he wanted and left.

I put my headphones in, pulled my hood over my head and put my head down on the table. This was horrible, I had made a deal with myself to ask Anne to come over this week. Something I had failed miserably in doing.

I couldn’t take this; I had to get out of here. I got up with half of class left dropped off my essay and walked straight to my truck. I got in fired it up and went home.

Once home, I went up stairs and laid on my bed and cried. I didn’t really know

why I was crying, I guess it was the stress of everything. The stress of trying to be human, trying to fit in with the world. Trying to pursue something with someone not knowing how they felt in return. In a way, the wilderness was looking more and more appealing.

After awhile, I cried myself out and fell asleep. I wasn’t sure how long I was out, but when my phone woke me it was still light out.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket irritated that it had woken me up. It was a text message from Anne,

‘when i get back 2morrow…u want 2 get coffee with me?’

My heart filled up with pure happiness, Anne had thrown me a lifeline.

’i sure do, i need to ask u something anyways…so that works out well’

I threw that last part in there for insurance that I wouldn’t chicken out on inviting her over. There was no way Anne would let me not ask her once I brought it up.

’what do u need to ask?’

’not saying…u’ll just have to hurry back.’

’not fare’

’i no…call me when ur back’

’k’

It was after seven in the evening before Anne called me. I knew she wasn’t coming home in the morning, so I was about half nuts when she finally called. We met at one of the coffee shops by the school, I was so excited by the time I got there I thought my head was going to explode.

"Hey!" Anne said excitedly then hugged me.

It felt so good to hug her after all the anxiety I had the last few days, "Hey." I said giving her and extra squeeze.

"It sure feels good to be back, I can only take so much of the parents. What did you need to ask me?" Anne’s bluntness caught me off guard.

"I’ll ask you later, let’s get coffee and tell me about your trip."

"It wasn’t much of a trip."

"That’s fine; I would like to hear about it anyways."

"Come on." Anne said taking my arm.

I thought people would find it weird us walking arm and arm, but for the most part no one seemed to notice us. Anne and I ordered us two large coffees, and unwillingly I let her pay. If she still wanted to be my friend after seeing the house, she was going to have to get used to me paying for things.

"So, what’s going on?" I asked.

"It seems my dad fell at work yesterday."

"Oh my goodness, is he okay?"

"Yeah, but he’s pretty stiff. My mom had to do a bunch of stuff today and she didn’t want to leave him home by himself."

"So she asked you to come up?" I asked.

"Yeah. My mom dropped the guilt trip on me because they give me money from time to time. It wasn’t like he even needed me, but my mom is my mom."

"I could imagine." though I really couldn’t, but I didn’t want to say that.

"I thought I would be home sooner but they wanted me to stay and eat dinner, my mom thinks I’m too skinny. Like I’m developing some kind of eating disorder or something because I stay in shape."

I smiled because I didn’t really know what else to say.

"So what’s this big secret you want to ask me?" Anne asked.

I could tell she was excited, but what I didn’t know was why. What did she think I was going to ask her, if she liked me? I felt almost dizzy thinking about how you were supposed to asked someone over. It seemed silly to me about making such a big deal over this. I knew she would say yes, but how would she react to see the house?

"Well," I said struggling to think of how to put this, "I know several times you’ve asked about me."

"Yes?"

"And I want to let you know apart of my life."

"Well good, I want to be a part of your life." Anne said.

"I know. Well like I said, my life is complicated, and there’s a lot you don’t know about me. But I want to be able to share it with you. But I’m afraid of how you might react."

"Are you married?" Anne asked.

"Married? No, of course not." I said laughing, I was so making too big of a deal over this, "Well anyways, I want to invite you over tomorrow."

"What to your house?"

"Yes."

I could see Anne was trying not to laugh, "Pip, of course I’ll come over."

"Cool." I said sighing with relief.

"Is there something wrong with your house or something?"

"Ah, not that I know of."

"Okay, because I don’t care if you live in a trailer or something. I hoped you know me better than that."

"Oh I do."

"Okay why is this difficult for you?" she asked with concern.

"Well, it’s kind of hard to explain."

"Would you like to try? Because now I’m getting curious."

I laughed, "Not on your life. Because I can’t wait to see the look on your face."

"Oh that’s not fair." Anne said getting irritated at me.

"Look, it’s like this. I’ve never opened myself to anyone before. And though I know you won’t think different of me, it’s hard for me."

"I

can see that." Anne said flatly.

I laughed again with relief, "Anne, you’re going to see that I’m not what you think I am. Remember when you thought I was a skater chick?"

"And a pot smoker." she joked.

"Yeah. Well you see, what you see now isn’t anything close to who I am. So you got to understand why I’m scared."

"Unless you have a torture room to torment puppies I highly doubt I will like you any less."

"I understand, but that doesn’t make me less nervous. I really like being with you, and I don’t want where I come from to come in between us."

Anne smiled, "I like being with you too. And I’m glad you trust me enough to open up to me. That means a lot to me."

I would give anything to know what Anne was thinking right now. I wondered if

spending time together meant the same as it did to me. I wanted to know what opening up to her exactly meant. Most of all, I wanted to know if she felt the same attraction for me as I felt for her.

I figured I would find out tomorrow. I had made a deal with myself. If she came over, I would share my feeling with her. I wouldn’t look back. Damn the consequences, I was going to open up to her. And if she didn’t freak out about the house, I may even share with her who and what I was.

"Thank you." I said.

"For what?"

"For being you, and for understanding." I explained to her.

"Well, thank you for trusting me enough to go out on a limb. I promise I won’t let you down."

"I’ll be counting on that." I said truthfully.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don’t know. I guess we’ll play it by ear."

"What time?"

"Let’s say three?" I said not knowing what was a good time.

"Three?! Oh you’re killing me!" Anne said.

I was glad I had said three, I believed the more I drew out the anticipation the better.

"It will be worth it, I promise." I said.

"It better be. It better be worth it after you making such a big deal out of it." she snapped then smiled.

"It will."

Anne and I said our good-byes and I headed home. I had done it; I had invited someone into my life. I just hoped it would be worth it.

"Stop it right now." I said to myself as I drove, "Of course it will be worth it. Why wouldn’t it be?"

As I pulled up to my house, I checked the time. Nine, great, way too early to go to bed. That’s okay I thought to myself, I needed a good swim to burn all this craziness off. I went inside and went straight to the pool. I quickly changed into my bathing suit and swam laps for close to two hours.

Man I sure needed to burn off some anxiety tonight I thought as I got out of the pool. I dried off and left my bathing suit hanging up in the pool’s bathroom. I went upstairs, took a shower and went to bed.

As I laid there, I tried to look at the evening’s time with Anne. It seemed to me that Anne was hoping for more than friendship. There had to be more, there was no way just friends could be this intense.

As I fell asleep, I tried to picture Anne walking though my house. How would she take it all in? What would she think of the pool for crying out loud? I tried to picture her and I on my jet skies laughing at our freedom.

I wondered what she would feel like laying in my bed, with her warmth surrounding me. Could I find the courage to make love to her? Would see want too? I tried to push those thoughts out of my head as I slipped close to sleep. Tomorrow afternoon she would be here and it would be wonderful.

The next morning when I awoke I couldn’t believe today was the day. I jumped out of bed and took a shower; I shaved everything, brushed my teeth and got out. I wasn’t sure what I was going to wear, but I knew I had to wear something special. Today was a special day.

I couldn’t think of anything right off the top of my head so I just put on my sweat pants and a shirt, I looked at the bedside table clock and couldn’t believe that it was after ten.

"Five hours." I said to myself.

I could feel the butterfly in my stomach, the thought made me wonder what Anne was thinking about. Did she sleep well? I know I sure did, which surprised me.

I wondered into my office to check the news and to see how the market did at closing. But nothing I saw was reassuring me. I was going to have to yell at my broker on Tuesday. The stocks he wanted me to buy were giving me an ulcer; I figured he needed one too. I fed my fish and went down stairs, there had to be something for me to do to kill the time.

Today was going to be a new day for me. For the last four hundred years I went to bed not knowing what the rising sun would bring. But today was different, today Anne was coming to my house.

How would she react to seeing it? Would it matter to her that I wasn’t real a scrubby little punk rocker chick that hardly talked? Over and over I played what conversations we might have in my head, not that I would be brave enough to come out and tell her the things I wished I could or promised myself I would.

As the clock ticked closer and closer I had no idea what I was going to do. I finally gave up trying to figure it out and settled in for the long wait for Anne