Devan

Bang. The wooden bat clatters against  the side of the car’s door denting the light blue metal skin . Memory’s flash, jagged lightning across the Devan's vision.

Laughter, hundreds of laughing  faces in a crowd. Crash! The bat connects with the windshield and it caves in.hundreds of  pieces of glass shattering across the fabric of the seats inside like the memories inside his head.

A fall in the cafeteria. More laughter rises above the clatter of the tray. Bang! The bat strikes the hood. Causing the glass pieces on the hood to bounce up.

“Watch It Devy.” The boy flashes a smug smile as he pulls his leg in. Devan's bat smashes the headlight, chunks of yellow plastic scatter outward. It reminds him of the black eye that adorns his face.

There's a policeman at the door wearing a sullom face. “ there was an accident, he didn't survive.” He takes a swing at the mirror and knocks the thing off in an explosion of reflective bits.

“You Are Nothing”! He slams the bat on the roof of the car. Crack! The bat cracks as it absorbs the impact. He swings the bat against the side of the car's door.The bat snaps in half and the glass of the door shatters. Devan sends the remains of the bat threw the back window in a shower of sharp glass and wooden splinters.Tears streak his face as he  walks out of the junkyard,leaving his dad’s crashed car for the crusher.

Reviews

[CJ43223]

A Well-done on this slow-mo story of memory's flash. My guess is the boy killed his father, did he not?
If the pieces of the puzzle that I am putting correctly, the boy wanted to release his anger by throwing his bat out in a random direction and accidentally hits his father car which causing a serious crash?
I may be wrong. Anyway, the story is intriguing in terms of storyline, wordings, and scenes so the reader needed to re-read multiple times to grasp the message that is conveying. I can also see you put the effort in switching the timelines while not affecting the story itself. Thanks for sharing.

[Wyrn Tiger]

I thought I was clear enuf that his father died in a car crash. Could you point out how i could make this fact clearer.

[CJ43223]

I see. I am trying to put all the pieces together. Devan used the bat to hit the windshield and tried to save his father despite the judgemental reaction of people around. He was pissed after the police informed him that his father was dead so he dropped out the bat and walked away?

[Wyrn Tiger]

No its a flash back peace. The police scean is flashback the beating of the car is present. I gess i didnt make it clear enough.

[CJ43223]

Okay, I see it now. The misinterpretation is occurred because of the chronological order of its paragraphs or the indication of flashback is not too obvious to the reader. Perhaps by adding " Right before the window glasses blow like the rowdy wind, the policeman.......' something like that to clarify the timeline confusion.

[TwistedTwins]

Hmm, a very angst-filled tale. I enjoyed the fact that this was just a snapshot into the character's grief over his father. Definitely made me think black and white film, rain, slow-mo as the bat shatters glass, etc. I didn't understand why there were multiple spellings of Devin, from the title to throughout the story, it was distracting to say the least. A couple of misspelling here and there (sullom/solemn, threw/through, lafter/laughter) and maybe an inconsistency with reality by saying the windshield broke with the first sing of his bat (now if the kid is a super/meta human then fine otherwise it's just no realistic). Other than that though, I thought the story had heart which is what matters most. -- C