Money and more money

I can't stand myself at times
I mean I'm just saying my feelings get too hyped
My dreams take me away
So why can't I stay?
Loving someone brings me pain
With nothing but sacrifices
I have to pretend that I'm happy when I speak to moms
When all I wanna do is tell her that I just want to come
Its hard to leave them behind
But at the same time I don't want to leave this guy

I love him so much and there's no such thing in giving up
Still trying to settle in but still no luck
No one is trying to hire me at all
And now I'm feeling under for not getting a call
I just wish I was doing better
Financially and mentally
But I'm tired of keeping it to myself all quietly

Who said that living was easy?
Its nothing but mostly waiting for something good to happen
I'm tired of all this yapping
Feeling like a failure is not the way to feel
Where is my positive shield?
Walls are slowly breaking down again
When will all these problems end?
I cry inside even if you don't see tears running down
I wonder what my hubby thinks every time he sees me frown

I just want to feel better..
I wanna do better..
I want to be better..