Things weren't right

Posted Date: : Jan 17, 2011 9:57 AM

It’s nine A.M and I’m listening to Jason Derulo’s acoustic version “whatcha say”.
This song just takes me back to the most scariest/blurry night in my life.
I told him that I cheated and I knew what I did was very selfish.
I never thought it would come down to this and I became THAT person.
I think I’ll always feel at fault for the way he is now.
He is a wonderful man but I’m not sure to blame the army of myself.
I think if I was to go back to Miami, I would’ve been devastated at that moment.
I realize that I do need him in my life.
He’s the only one that truly understood me when I was in a dark place.
I go back to those wonderful moments that we had at the beach and it was just US.
But one thing that stayed with me was my SELFISHNESS.
That's one thing that never changed because I wanted my emotions to disappear.
I felt so lost when he left or when he was too busy working.
I just wanted that emptiness to go away.
What was my solution? Friendship that ended up a confusion.
But mind you, I was NEVER the first one to initiate anything.
I was never a flirt and I kept to myself.
If I could go back, I would’ve stopped it once I felt something just feel right.
But he said he was cool and I could trust him.
I just should’ve known that he planned it since the beginning.
I just thought I was smarter than he was.
So when the truth came out, I just wanted my mind to clear right.
I was just scared to be left in a second.
So am I wrong for waiting to tell him?
You can’t blame someone who is scared to lose the one person they truly love.
I know I was wrong for what I did but not wrong for telling him later.
I still have dreams of that same moment and I get angry/sad.
I still have that scared feeling and I don’t know how to make it go away.
I guess better moments will clear it all away.
All I know is, that I’m glad he decided to stay.