Free Write ~ Requires Editing. . .

hold your elbows

solar plexus safe from the full wind

blowing across a chest of skimpy perfection,

n*****s, white skin, tanned shoulders..

kiss, kiss

fist, fist

massage the mind - 

he left her full of empty touch...stories

that meant home

his experience began to sound like only words

detached from the real danger of 

the woods, lonely desire, forgotten,

he loved describing the escape,

his truth buried, altered by dreams,

perception..

I wish we were clean, whole, and honest.

thinking is often clouded by expectation -- limited by the laws

of your little voices. limited by

the eyes of him, her, them, it...me & you,

an ill fated two ... I am so sorry for the

turbulent sex, wanting so much

to fulfill imagination

creating a painfully fake sensation.

pull, grab, breathe - heavy sighs,

grazed by tantalizing lips, 

afraid of the electric delusion -- 

it is oozing lava, soon molten, sold at

the local toy shop for a child's rock collection.

a frozen fire, separate from her creator. 

Author's Note

could use some notes on punctuation..and where to cut!

Reviews

[JT Godin]

I can't give much editing tips outside of two things: I believe the proper spelling of the word 'breath' is 'breathe' in that instance. The other thing, and this is more of a technical note; the only capitalized word you included is I. If you want to break from convention you might also consider making I as lower case... I happen to like it the way it is however. It makes me more sensitive to the perspective of the speaker. In any case, I had just been explaining to my friend how much bad poetry is on the internet. It's so nice to take a long break and return to something enjoyable. Well done!