Gun

A poem about action and consequence

I see someone banging on the door

I hear the noise

I ready my pistol

I am in my killer poise

I flip the sofa

I c**k my glock

I lick my lips

I watch the clock

I wait

I watch

I don't hesitate

I won't ever mediate

I took the cash

I agreed to the hit

I have done this before

I know my grit

I see the door fall

I pull the trigger

I put one in his head

I put one in his heart

I take one in my shoulder

I see the window and make a start

I take one in the leg

I fall to the floor

I drag myself an inch

I feel another bullet

I don't even flinch

I bleed gallons

I had once again fell

...

I welcome hell

Author's Note

Be brutal :)

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Whether you intended a darkly humorous ending or a catastrophic, gruesome ending, I haven't an inklet. Yet I take to it was a darly humorous ending, for it has gotten me cackling with cruelty. Your character received what he deserved, if actions were to weigh against him. Though I'm not too fond of structure, I acknowledge it as a form of writing; neither too complicated nor simple for a poem.

[Joe Morris]

Thankyou ever so much for the review :)

[Green]

There were a couple grammatical errors and little things like that but I liked it. The story was interesting and fun to follow and it had a feeling of suspense as you went through it. Good job.

[Joe Morris]

Thanks for the review friend, can you point out the grammatical errors so I can change them? :)

[Green]

I in my killer pose: there is no verb in that sentence
And I once again had fell: there's not anything actually wrong about this one but I would consider rewording it to make it flow better

[Joe Morris]

Thanks will give it an edit :)

[Zeph]

Well done :D

[Joe Morris]

Cheers :)

[The Refined Poet]

I like the pace of this. It gave me visions of an action scene. well done!

[Joe Morris]

Thanks T.R.P :)

[afra]

Kinda dark ....i enjoyed it,....great wtite

[Joe Morris]

Thankyou very much :)

[mark slade]

very stylish. interesting concept for poetry.

[Joe Morris]

Thankyou friend :)

[Allyson Wolfe]

It's simple and the message is obvious, but like Tai, I am not a fan of the form. That's not to say that poem doesn't have merit, but it is to say that I lost interest and never gained it back when I was reading. It's not a bad poem though!

[Joe Morris]

Thankyou for the review i will tweak the structure accordingly :)