Episode One

Episode One

On the 4^th of July 1891, John Wells was born to John and Susan Wells. Unlike Benjamin Burton, he was born young, smooth skinned and beautiful. Again unlike Benjamin Burton, his parents loved him and dotted on him .Which was quite understandable given that he was first  the son after a long line of thirteen girls. John, as we shall call him, became a man at the age of three when he signed his first check. Odd for a three year old? Did you read the title of the piece? John was strange, alright.

            On his fourth birthday, John had his first encounter with Alice’s boy friend. Alice is John’s fourth, sixth or eleventh sister, depending on how good your counting is. His name was Jane. Yeah I know, that’s a girl’s name, right? His parents were rumored to be drunk when he was named. He called himself Jay. One thing John loved more than signing checks was seeing Jane turn red when he was called Jane.

            That bright sunny morning, John woke up to see what? A smiling mother? A proud Father? Cakes, candles, something like that? Nope! He woke up to see Jane’s big red hair in his face. Nobody celebrated birthdays in the Wells’ family, too many dates to remember, I guess.

“Hey, who are you?”

“Hey little man, you woke up early” Jane pulled the sheet closer to his chin. “I’m sure it’s not even Beef-time yet”

“Beef-time? Beef-time’s after I make my rounds, fire some servants and chase the turkeys! Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my bed?”

            The thing was , John never shared his bed with anybody, anything. Even his pyjama was left on the floor sometimes because there was a face inscribed on it.

            “Okay, little man, I’m Jay. Your sister’s boyfriend. Can I sleep now?”

            “My sister? My sisters are more than the number of shinning insects I see around that big blue thing at night, which one Ray?”

            “I said my name’s Jay. Alice, Alice’s my girl-friend. I came to see her last night, your father almost caught me, and so I climbed into your room. Guess I must have fallen asleep. Be sure to wake me up when it’s Beef-time, okay?”

            If John lived in 2010 AD, he would have sworn all possible oaths, called 911 to report a murder, grab his Dad’s AK 47 and shot Jane dead. Probably empty all the bullets in his big red head.

            “Okay Ray, before I climb out of this bed, get my Dad’s sword and chop off your head, gerrof my bed!” John screamed

            “Okay little man! Can’t I get a little sleep” Jane said standing up “Alice told me you are crazy. By the way, my name’s.… well, Jane, call me Jay, I’m not Ray. Only a horse answers that name.”

            “Wait!” John called to Jane who was already moving towards the window. “Did you say your name was Jane?” John jumped out of his bed, holding his stomach as he laughed. “Jane? That’s a girl’s name! Jane, Jane, Jane… “John sang, hopping from one foot to the other.

“Little Man! Don’t ever call me that name again!” Then John saw the red face for the first time and decided if there was something he knew he’ll do again, it was calling Jane, Jane!”

Reviews

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

'and dotted on him .' (space between him and the period)

'that he was first the son after' (the first son)

'Again unlike Benjamin Burton, his parents loved him and dotted on him. Which was quite understandable given that he was first the son after a long line of thirteen girls.' - The flow between these two sentences just sound weird, maybe try something like 'On the contrary, his parents loved him and dotted on him, which was quite understandable, given that he was the first son after a long line of girls. Thirteen, to be exact.' Just don't quote me on that because I'm not the best with grammar... it would just flow better if you didn't repeat 'unlike' in the next sentence, plus the first few lines felt a little choppy and a 'run-on' is okay, as long as your grammar is correct.

'John, as we shall call him,' - This sounds weird to me because we are calling him John because that is what his parents named him. I am also a bit confused on why we are comparing him to a man named 'Benjamin Burton', and I would have liked to have a feel of why before I began comparing two strangers I have yet to find out any valuable information about.

'boy friend.' This should be one word, if she is in a relationship with this guy, otherwise it's fine.

'Alice is John’s fourth, sixth or eleventh sister, depending on how good your counting is' This line made me laugh. :)

'“Hey little man, you woke up early” Jane pulled the sheet closer to his chin. “I’m sure it’s not even Beef-time yet”' (early.) (yet.)

'pyjama was left on the floor sometimes because there was a face inscribed on it.' (on the floor, sometimes, because)

'the number of shinning insects I see' Did you mean, shining?

'Alice, Alice’s my girl-friend.' This might read better 'Alice, Alice is my girlfriend.'

'Probably empty all the bullets in his big red head.' HA! Another laugh. :)

'“Okay Ray, before I climb out of this bed, get my Dad’s sword and chop off your head, gerrof my bed!” John screamed' Heh, I like the rhyme.

'“Okay little man! Can’t I get a little sleep”' (sleep?")

'Jane said standing up “Alice told me you are crazy.' (were crazy)

Nice ending, but the story was a little confusing. At the beginning I felt we were going to learn more details about John, but we ended up hearing a story about his fourth birthday. I also was confused as to why he was compared to a guy named 'Benjamin Burton'.... so it's a little shaky, but I'm still interested. I do, in fact, feel sorry for John and the fact that he has to deal with thirteen sisters and I look forward to seeing more of his adventures.




(Wait... do you mean Benjamin Button? Like the movie with Brad Pitt?)

[Midnight_Mystery]

def. an interesting read..im very intrigued now. :)