Goats are good eatin', Excerpts from "SEA LOVE"

……Sangee had to sit down next to a tree, in a neighboring village, wearing a dress, coconut hair mustache, hands dyed orange-ish with curried masala sauce. His hair in braids and he was handcuffed to a goat.

It happened again. He’d had it. He’d said that before though. It was almost, or now that he thinks about it, it IS worth it.

Sangee had what is considered extreme outer body experience and Sangee has friends which have never advance mentally after 12 years old. Their resources have grown, yet human compassion, respect and accountability had hit a brick wall full speed many years ago.

Sangee is an all around great guy. Avid surfer, woodcarver, chef, mechanic. He rides a 1964 BSA motorcycle in a steel sphere at fairs. He is an actor, playwright and an awesome lover. He donates his time to middle-aged orphans. His library books are returned early. He recycles and talks to his mother every other day during tea by the river after teaching surfing to tourists. He is a casual vegetarian, can’t pass up a bacon wrapped hot dog cart but wouldn’t go out of his way for one. He would, however, kill everyone in this room for sushi.

So you wonder how our hero finds himself in odd guise on the other side of the tracks with Sharpie inked mutton-chopped side burns.

Sangee is narcoleptic and as mentioned earlier, he possesses AFEOBE. Ability for extreme outer body experiences. Unknown are the amounts of times Sangee blacked out at Sushi of Raj. Most everyone by now is aware of his condition and is very respectful of his situation and vulnerability. Except his “friends.”

The extremeness is in fact, unbelievable. Half the time he is sphere riding his motorcycle he is on the bike. The other half of the time it seems to be riding itself or as a ghost or Sangee’s spirit is riding. The latter by far fills the tip basket much faster. Sangee has since been able to partially control the experiences and quite enjoying most of the adventures. He has been able to visit other countries, talk to deceased relatives, swam with dolphins and knocked on the window of a Soviet space station. He has enjoyed football matches to sold out games, front row. Seen U2 while sitting at Bono’s feet. Witnessed births and deaths. Overheard secrets of lover’s, politicians, dictators and children in tree houses. Learned foreign languages through immersing into foreign cultures unbeknownst to the teachers. Sat in the Lion’s cage. Swam amongst the tentacles of a giant octopus. Adjusted settings of cameras on movie sets. Changed settings on office workers computers such as their screen names, slideshow photographs and to have them constantly looking for domnloads and updates.  Drew moustaches on  Mona Lisa and George Bush. He used only disappearing ink as not to destroy a great piece of art or to embarrass those of which do very well on there own. He has fun but his heart is in the proper location.

As for those that do not have hearts, brains, minds, etc. in the proper locations, we have the other side of this story. Sangee’s school mates. Jealousy, boredom, ignorance. A few adjectives to describe the reasons for their actions. Sangee’s  unoccupied corpse was too much temptation to just let be and no one ever thought of stopping them. Both fear and the fact that what they did was actually pretty funny, kept them from intervening. Sangee tried to move around a bit so as not to be found so easily yet he was at the sushi place almost every day. So when one of his so called friends would see his slumped over body, pillow on shoulder placed by a “nice” neighbor, a series of woops and yells could bring as many as 10 “friends” in a matter of moments. They didn’t have much time so quite often they would meet the night before to figure out what they might need to bring to this bizarre event.

Sangee had been made into a human sailboat. At least 7 times. The first few times he sank a few feet from the shore. Eventually he became a rudimentary catamaran with a main and jib sail and a monkey on the rudder screaming and yelling, climbing up and down the sail, eventually getting used to it and sailing around quite well till Sangee awoke, scared the monkey causing him to bite Sangee’s face. His friends took him to the hospital. After all, they are his friends. He was shot out of a cannon into an old woman’s window. Strapped to a racehorse, came in 3^rd. Attached to the front of a tall ship like a mermaid. Drove in a demolition derby. Broke his collarbone. That was bad. His body was present at funerals, weddings, birthday parties, inaugural balls. All of which he was never invited but the fact that he was dressed so nicely, no one cared. Freaked out maybe. But let him be. Upon his awakening, he would have to quickly assess where he may be and act accordingly. Sob at the funeral, sob at the wedding, pull a gift out of thin air for a birthday party and at the inaugural ball, do what ever you do at an inaugural ball. He has woken up in bed with beautiful women and ugly women. He has awaken in bed with men. Animals. Lawnmowers. Meat. Aluminum cans and a guy who had been beaten pretty bad in a boxing match. The defeated boxer never waking up, Sangee quickly drew the obligatory mustache, sideburns, giant eyebrows combination on his face and quickly darted out the back door. He had been placed in an operating room where all the surgeons became angry because he wasn’t doing anything. Upon removing his mask, seeing it was Sangee, they all had a good laugh and shoved him into a small incubator with a newly born Siamese twin to keep he/she/it warm.  He’d woken up with a park statue nursing it’s butt. Put inside of a TV cabinet in a store window as if he were delivering the news or selling adult diapers on a commercial. Woken up as a clerk in a sex shop, pet store, fry cook, chief of police, telemarketer. At the county fair in a hot tub booth, dunk tank, the funnel cake trailer, drum player for the Doobie Brothers.

Waking up in a dress hadn’t bothered Sangee, nor did the itchy mustache of orange hands. The goat was a little annoying. Pulling, butting. That bleating sound.

A quick look around and he realized he was only a few hours from home by train. The friends had left a little money in his pocket for food and a ride home.

All in all he felt it was worth it. Being in two places at the same time even though the physical location couldn’t be enjoyed till he was awake. He has lived twice that of any man and looked at it as a blessing.

He turned and headed towards the train station wondering if he should eat the goat and save the money for an upgraded seat……