Chicago Condo

Tomas Verde stood impatiently as the door unfolded on the GIV. Just as quick as the sun entered his eyes and burned his soul, he swapped his clear Dolce Gabanas for the limo tint Pradas. He didn’t know if he had been asleep for days or awake for days.

 He didn’t think he had been here before and was curious what language they would be yelling in his face that made no sense. Tomas Verde did not have the patients to learn or listen to foreign language jibber jabber. He was too busy thinking about things that didn’t matter.

 The limo, well, old Mercedes, rushed off the tarmac, through a shabby gate in a shabby fence. The auto bled off into the woodsy jungle at a high speed, which puts Tomas to sleep.

 Tomas Verde was a Chichacoconadero. One who participate in the act of Chichacoconada. He couldn’t pronounce the word but got by mumbling or choking out the phrase, Chicago Condo.

Basically He huffed into a large clear tube or polished bamboo with someone else on the other end. A scorpion was dropped into a T section in the middle of the tube and different techniques were used to basically shoot the scorpion down the opponent’s throat. Tomas was a pro and taken care of very well. Somebody was making millions off of him…

Tomas was tall, lanky, and sort of mangy. He would appear at first as a shadow with his colors filling in moments later. He had a thick neck from years of scorpion stings to the inside of his throat. Tattoos of octopus tentacle rose out of hi V-neck t-shirt along with an arcing row of what looked like skittles in the form of a rainbow. Made you wonder what it all emanated from at the same time you didn’t want to know.

Chico Chan-san and Raoul Puerto de mi Cuerpo rushed Tomas to the event downtown. The entrance, like usual was in the rear. Verde chuckled to himself every time a rear entrance was mentioned. Chico handed him some candy and his anti-scorpion elixir and opened the door ahead of him. At a lit table, surrounded by darkened onlookers, sat a big, fat, man-child. A little Eskimo looking with English ginger hair. Ugly and innocent as hell. Like a giant 10 year old hooligan retard...

Tomas was a little startled at first, maybe more so that he actually felt like he finally woke up from a coma. He squeezed his elixir bottle tightly fearing he might be using it tonight judging by the girth of the tard's man-b***s. He shook hands with a few shadowed figures and was then introduced to his opponent. Sammy Haggar. Tomas paused for what seemed like minutes then burst out laughing, leaned back and fell over his chair, elixir launching into the dark crowd of onlookers. He clambered up, swallowing the throw up that filled his mouth and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Sorry," Tomas said, "I thought you said your name was Sammy Haggar!" Without waiting for an answer, Tomas burst into a laughing fit, threw up in his mouth again and abruptly stopped and sat in the chair as if nothing happened. Maybe it didn't happen, Tomas thought to himself. He turned to tell Raoul what he had just thought but before he could open his mouth, Raoul slipped into the darkness to the left, reappearing from the right with the scorpion pipe, or the Tobalaroacha. It is about to go down. Tomas Verde swallows hard. Tasting the stinging stomach acid. At least it's better than the elixir. Where is my elixir?...

Tomas had grown up temporarily in a small village in Vietnam where his German father, Klaus von Verde Mueller, ran a hooker bar. Tomas had been forced to participate in a schoolyard version of Chichacoconada. At gun point, some fellow students had him go against the class psycho Leroy Turnosco, around the back of the school. They were all about 10 years old. Tomas was so scared that without even thinking he had already blown the hand ball (in place of the scorpion), down Leroy’s throat where he promptly choked and died. Probably why they moved. Unknown at the time, a teacher had been watching and reported her findings to a friend who was connected to the Chichacoconada circuit. Noting that this unknown person is actually the father of Raoul Puerto de mi Cuerpo un beknownst to both Raoul and Tomas…