Whiskey & W****s

W & W BRC

 

Somehow I obtained a shot glass that said “Whiskey and W****s Saloon Black Rock City” on it, which is Burningman. Subsequently I went there in 2004 and haphazardly looked for it and never found it. I went back in 05 for I don’t know for what reason other than it was fun. I actually put an effort into looking for the saloon this year, had fun, never found it. In 06, massive art car in tow, went again. After one particular day we actually stumbled upon it. Maybe mid day. Earlier that day I had been sitting around drinking ice coffee and working on the BRAT. (My 13 foot tall, gull winged Heli-truck, Black Rock Action Transport machine. We called it The Machine.) At one point I looked up as a naked man riding a 10 speed wearing a rooster head rode by and into a dust cloud. This instantly put me in a good mood. This is supposed to what you see first thing in the morning. For real. We drove around for a while. Stopping a million times to participate in the neighborhoods of thousands of themed camps, 10 times each. Played soccer in the dirt with the Lizard people. Basketball with transvestites. Watching Barbie dolls being herded into an oven while drinking wine. Played croquette with a 6 foot ball, 8 foot wickets and massive mallets. Ate snow cones off of a giant toy train. Overheard that Sting and Trudy were walking around near by. Eating Ho Hos in a Jeannie bottle. At one point I find myself hugging an Asian fellow covered in little vibrating units all over his body. Truly awesome. As I snap out of this pre-noon trance, my eyes slowly turn upward and I am standing in front of Whiskey and W****s! My quest has ended! I want to rush in but play it cool and walk through the swinging doors. It is an awesome remake of a western bar. Wooden bar, upright piano, wooden chairs and tables. (Apples and pears?) There may have been 10 or 15 people in there. Maybe 5. No, 12 I think. I go up to the bar for my drink that I have thought about for years now. Very uneventful. What was going on here? So somber. Very boring, depressing. Come to find out, some DJ died maybe last night? This morning? It was something weird, like his parachute didn’t open which I thought was sad but then maybe he had a heart attack while he was spinning. Maybe too much drugs? Duh. Then I don’t really care, you brought that on yourself AND you are super killing my happy buzz, seriously. Then to top it off, some hippy chick gets on the stage and starts singing “all we are is dust in the wind.” A cappella. This is horrible! The worst thing I have ever witnessed! Especially here, at Burning Man, at my favorite bar! I tried to care but couldn’t . “F**k this!” I said to my friend, “Where is that little Asian guy?” We split. Jump back in the art car and within moments regain our buzz as 3000 topless women ride by in the Critical Tits Parade. My take and the morel of this story is, don’t spend your life looking for whiskey and w****s. You will just wind up listening to some dumb hippy singing the worst song in the world when right outside there are thousands of painted b***s and bicycles and lizard people and oversized everything! Don’t go to Burningman either.