Knowledge: A Blessing or Curse?

A Story by A Foiled Soul

With Knowledge, comes understanding; a completely different, and darker concept.

You have a weight in your chest. You feel like everyone else has no idea what it's like to not wanna live. You want so badly to die, yet something deep inside is telling you not to. It's the quietest whisper. Barely audible. The only thread you have that keeps you alive. And you feel like at any moment, it can snap. That's why you feel like you can't let anyone close. The thread is too valuable. Too precious. Because while the idea is cruel, the thread is the most precious thing you have. The only idea you have of what living actually means. Everything seems trivial. You realize that you're intelligent enough to know we're all just visitors. Everyone dies eventually so there isn't a point to anything. Everything you do is trivial and meaningless. You want so badly to die. Not just out of sadness. But out of curiosity. You want so much for there to be something more. Something better and peaceful. Something like eternal sleeping. Because when you're asleep is the only time the voices in your head stop insulting you. The only time your body is screaming in agony. And you feel like you're meant for something greater. But you fail to realize you're not the only one. You can sleep away your demons. Some of us only get worse. Behind our eyelids are the memories of the bodies we saw as a child. The death and destruction and the evil that rests at the bottom of human souls. The chaotic capability of mankind. The reckless hatred that drives the greedy and selfish. And you wonder why such things exist. You slowly begin to realize why you were told as a kid not the ask too many questions. If you were, you realize that your parents knew of the pain to come. But they decided their child was strong enough to handle the voices and the demons. They decided that their child deserved to know the truth. Because the world is not a fairy tale. No, the world is much darker. Knowledge and truth comes at a price. It corrupts your soul and eats you from the inside out. And you begin to understand history. You know intelligence is a plague as much as it is a gift. You understand why Einstein, Newton, and all the other geniuses were depressed. Why they so frantically searched for answers. They wanted an end. An end to the wonder and torment of knowledge. They wanted so much for a place to rest. A place to let their mind fall silent. Because we are the silent majority. We are not legion. Each on our own path of self destruction. We each want our sleep.