Existential Nihilism Philosophy

My view of the world.

One Human among billions of Humans on a planet among eight other planets in a solar system among billions of solar systems, each containing their own number of planets and potentially billions of more species. One galaxy with a super massive black hole residing at it's center with potentially infinite realities containing an infinite amount of Super Clusters which contain trillions of Clusters. The Clusters contain trillions of galaxies which contain billions of solar systems which contain billions of planets. This is all in one universe that is among potentially infinite other universes. Yet, it seems this would all disappear if I don't dress to standard. If I don't get the grades needed to "succeed" and attend college. If I don't find a wife and job, have kids, and live a "good life"; According to the rules put into play by a society so small, that is entirely minute in existence. Everything is trifle. It is these issues that keep me awake at night. There is a forever ongoing struggle to attain and maintain power. To rule a world that is nearly non-existent in size. Is there a reason such things exist? Why does war and hunger take place on our minute world? Please don't misunderstand. I do not oppose war. It is nearly a means of passing the time in our short period of existence. I am a soldier and as many who've come before me, I have my own reasons for being a soldier. I do not fear death; I welcome it, as I am nothing but an object. An object in an existence that is entirely static and without reason. I am without moral, mercy, or greed. Many say that a soldier becomes a soldier because he is not capable of thought. That he must be given orders to survive. This is the opposite of me. I must be given orders because I think too much. A life is trifle and is not the weigh heavily on the mind if taken. For it is such a minute entity that it is nearly non-existent. Because maybe life should be less about living and more about Sanity...

These are the unspoken words of a mind who dared to question too much and is now paying the price. "Is there a point to anything" I stupidly dared to ask. There is not.