ILLUSIVE REFUGE

 

The raucous here and now

Is definitely

Deafeningly bothering!

It thunders my consciousness

As I reside in its scope.

 

Define reality.

Fair to them, not to me?

Fie! Matter it does not

For another domain

Caters my existence.

 

There, there’s enchantment,

Freedom unrestrained,

Mirage thingamabob

Beyond man’s thinking

Or God’s conception.

 

The real is realized

But comfort comforts.

Being boxed and at ease,

I doubted if I

Should ever come back.

Reviews

[Belle]

This for me is a monologue of the consciousness (ego) that is in the middle of realization about reality in the material world and about existence. As to the form and choice of words, surprising it is that after two poems this week, you would exhibit rapid growth, you have evolved from being a young soul into a matured one not just in term of form but also in term of argument and or message that you were trying to convey.

I have the same sentiment in a matter of defining reality, but I have also to bear in mind the fact that beyond raucous reality there still exists the law of naturalism which is worse, so I have to understand and embrace life as it is. As for the thought that I have grasped in this powerful piece, it will be the poetic persona’s choice if (s)he will come back or just allow himself/herself to be boxed and be at the comfort of the comfort ( needs and wants) provided by another domain. Freedom anyway is not detachment from anything, but it is making a choice or making an act on something and the readiness to bear the consequences of the own choice and/or action. If the other domain can provide the poetic persona 's needs to better define his/her existence, then nothing wrong with being in the refuge of another domain.

[Sir Joe]

Very well said, ate Belle. You are, indeed, a woman endowed with great philosophies and principles. If you are a basis for maturity, then I will not be counted as one. =)
I agree with your contentions. I defer to your superior knowledge and wisdom when it comes to life as it is. I bow down to you for you are more experienced . Nothing really makes a poet happier than being acknowledged and appreciated by a fellow reader-poet.
Thank you so much for your overwhelming and edifying words! =)

[Belle]

What I have said is only my reaction after reading your poetry. I liked the piece Li'l Brother, very much. Forgive me for I cannot contain myself from applying the text-to-self approach. I want to dwell alone in the text, but your poem has strong connection to me not just as a reader but as a person...Keep writing...

[Belle]

Correction : What I have said is only my reaction after reading your poetry, it only means that at some pint we have the same level of maturity and life's principles. :)

[Sir Joe]

Hehehe your reaction is greatly appreciated, ate Belle. =)
How overwhelming!
That's why I'm always happy to subject my poems to your reviews and interpretations. =)
What you have just said makes me want to write more. =) Thank you! =)

[Talal Hussain]

A very thought invoking poem...really loved it..

[Sir Joe]

Thank you, Tatal. =)

[Mark]

Sir Joe...I have not previously read you, but I feel that that might be soon changing. I was reviewing the winners in Helena's recent "Frostian" contest (of whom I am one), and read yours, and was quite taken with it, though the Frost connection was to my aged eye somewhat obscure. I read the discussion on your use of the word "fie", and I was impressed that a writer as young as yourself was able to stick to his guns so effectively, to defend his position. If you would like to read more of a writer who uses archaisms quite regularly, I invite you to read me to your heart's delight; I have long preferrred the writers of the 18th and 19th Centuries to those of the 20th and 21st! I saw several blocks of copy in these comments that I was unsure as to the meaning of; was it Tagalog, from which I would infer that you are Filipino?

[Sir Joe]

Sir Mark, thank you for reading this poem of mine and for reviewing it at the same time. I'm honored to have been reviewed by someone as respectable a poet as you. =) I would really love to read your works, sir. Like you, I'm also fascinated by the 18th and 19th century writings, and even by those preceding ones.

You're right, sir. I'm a Filipino. I've found a couple of Filipino friends here and we just took the freedom of speaking with our mother tongue. Pardon us for that. =)

This day won't end without me reading some of your works. =)


- joe

[realmwriter]

Reality to me is whatever one chooses to make it. We all to often allow society to dictate what we should and should not do, eat, wear, listen to. To me, my reality is made up of the people I love and the friends I hold dear. My domain is the world in which I was born, not just the city or the state I was born in nor just the people I choose to keep closest to me. For me it's more about being in touch with ones self so as to better share ones self with those that choose to include you as a friend or a loved on. Cherish this gift of yours for as far as I can see you are using it well. This is a very well written and thought out piece and each person who reads it will take from it a different meaning. That,is the mark of a true poet. An ability to convey their own feelings yet still allow the reader to interpret the piece in his/her own way...! Awesome!

[Sir Joe]

That is overwhelming, Realmwriter. Thank you so much for your kind words.
=) I'm so honored to have this poem of mine reviewed by you. =)

[realmwriter]

You are most welcome. It was an honor to read and review your piece...!

[Helen Crutchett]

Well written and a wonderful read. Well thought out and all in all a superb poem. Thank you for submitting this to the contest!

[Sir Joe]

You're most welcome, Helena. =)

[Sir Joe]

I've just found out that this poem of mine ranked first in your contest. hahaha I can hardly believe it. =)

[Helen Crutchett]

lol, you had better believe it sir joe. Well deserved poet!

[Sir Joe]

Thank you so much! =)

[Helen Crutchett]

You are most welcome.

[sedatezoe]

pards..i keep on reading all of your new poems(to me cause i'm new here.haha.) astig tlga andmi n ng poems m d2!frustrations pardz?hehe..this friend of mine is really great!in everything!learn from his work!yeah.haha.:)

[Sir Joe]

Thanks pards. hehehe always text me when you are online. Wait for my review of your works. =) I'll also invite you to be a part of some groups I'm a member of.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

but can we find comfort in realization...maybe the realization that our world is not this one..and something great is waiting for us on some other plane of existence.

like this...like the "thingamabob"

the very end of the poem sounds like Frost's "the road not taken"

"way will lead on to way"

we probably will never come back.

[Sir Joe]

Thank you for your words of wisdom, Sir Jacob. =)
I appreciate you effort in reading my poems. =) I'm honored. =)

[Trigorin]

Not bad. You manage to get your point across very well and you use some great imagery here, but I really don't like that 'fie' in the middle of the second stanza - it seems much too archaic and I think it somewhat ruins the mood.

[Sir Joe]

Thank you, Trigorin, for the honest review. =)
I really appreciate it.
But I have to disagree to you about my use of the archaic word "fie". I put it there just to intensify the poetic persona's disregard of fairness or unfairness of life.

[Dhaye]

Peace be with you!
What I think is....maybe Trigorin wants to emphasize that it contradicts the mood in the second stanza (your disagreement on the fairness of life) because you placed it after that negative statement "Fair to them, not to me?" Perhaps you can place the word after a positive statement to stress your disapproval of it. This is only my opinion. Anyway, you are the writer, you still have to follow your thoughts.
"Define reality.
Fie! It is fair to them, not to me.
Matter it does not
For another domain
Caters my existence."
Haha! I am pretty not sure if it is okey for Trigorin, but I really appreciated her/him (I don't know his/her gender) in reviewing my works.

[Sir Joe]

I understand your point. But I think I have to stick to the position of the word "fie" in my poem. In that particular part that you're talking about, I just asked the question "is reality fair to them and not to me?". I didn't evene bother to answer that question because I disregard life's fairness or unfairness that' why after that line, I said "fie!". Meaning, I strongly reject any answer to that question for those answers don't even matter to me.

And maybe Trigorin was just trying to say that "fie" doesn't perfectly fit in the contemporary-ness of my language in that poem because because "fie" is archaic.
Peace be with you, Hear My Mind. =)

[Dhaye]

It's okay. It is only my opinion. Anyway, you are the writer, you still have to follow your thoughts.
When it comes to the use of archaic words, for me it is also the choice of the writer. If that's only the reason, then I have no comment of your use of that word in the poem because I love to read poems with unique style such as those using archaic words like one my favorite poets (Shakespeare)
Anyway, I like it in general. Bakit ba kasi nakisali-sali ako sa inyo ni Trigorin, ano? Nagkakaintindihan naman pala kayo. Hehe.

[Sir Joe]

Hahaha Anyway, thank you for your words. I appreciate your comments. I'm also a fan of Shakespeare's poetry. =) Thank you for liking my work. At talagang nag-filipino ka na sa ending hahaha I like it! Ayos lang naman na makisali kasi kasali ka naman talaga. hehehe Anyone is welcome to critique my works hehehe

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is written with a old mind and style. I like the way you led the reader into thoughts and struggle. In life we learn many things. We must bend and flex to know some type of happiness. I like the flow of thoughts and the realistic ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sir Joe]

Thank you, Coyote Poetry!
=)

[EileenMarie]

A very thought invoking piece! Great job.

[Sir Joe]

thank you!! =)

[Pax]

This poem the is as elusive as its illusionary scope… so i interpret it on how I understand:

First stanza ~ I think it speaks to the bothering mistakes followed by the bothering voices in our head as it thunders its regrets….

Second stanza ~ Reality is never once fair, the least for me… but really doesn’t even matter like you said… well it depends on the person’s free will… maybe this illusive refuge you talk about is about our dreams & fantasy…. An escape to all those problems that bothers us….

Third stanza ~ I guess that’s the power of our imagination… it seeks beyond more… the seeker in us that is always on search for meaning and purpose… it’s the freedom of our thoughts to fly everywhere without any hindrance…

Forth stanza ~ you end the poem in such intriguing note “I doubted if I should ever come back” – sometimes reality holds us down & societies unnecessary’ s concept makes us think twice… so coming back to the comfort zone is much as best for the moment…

I hope I understand your profound poem.
Great one kabayan!

[Sir Joe]

That is a very in-depth interpretation, Kabayan. That is why I am always glad when you review my works; always that way, in-depth. Now I'm indebted. hahaha LOL
I admire your wide understanding.
Thank you so much for the review and interpretation of this poem. =)

[Pax]

ayan may utang ka na...lolz... anyways... your always welcome... i learned from my best couch ate belle..lolz.. or i shall say maam belle...hehe.. peace kabayan...

[Sir Joe]

You're most welcome. I hope that the three of us meet at once. =)