the snow birthday (reentry)

“She loved the snow I wish it snow to night, on her birthday”.

My day just looked at me.

“Don’t you think that be great?”

“ya, but I doubt it will.”

“It’s so cold, why not?”

“just are luck he laughed.”

“I know you miss mom and you would love if it snowed, because you loved her.”

 He just walked over to the coat rack and put on his huge leather jacket and vintage hate.

“Sweetie I’ll be back later I’m going for a walk.”

 He walked out the door and I thought to myself oh poor daddy.

 I walked to the window holding a cup of hot coffee.

“I can smell it”

I stared out the window at that spot. The spot  that started my dads process of dying inside. That’s where the car accident happened. When some drunk driver plowed over my moms new car right before she turned into the lot of the apartment. It was like I was in a haze as I stared into the frosted air of night.

“Mom if you can hear me help daddy.”

I couldn’t help but cry even thought it would be eight years tomorrow since she left use

But I never blamed her, I never blamed daddy, I didn’t even blame the driver, but at eight years old I blamed myself. I could of been so much nicer I could had never yelled I could had prayed to go to keep her safe, but I did not. Felling to guilty already I walked over to my bed, pulled back the cover and lied in bed trying to get some sleep, for some reason I hade some anxiety. I did not know why it would be just another day.

The next morning I sat up in my bed. I felt like I hade been smoking something, for all I know I could have. I walked to the counter and fixed some coffee I walked to the window then looked at my coffee but the quickly looked back up.

"just a second, yes yes" it snowed

I ran toward the door grabbed my coat an ran out down the stairs. I stopped as soon as I walked outside. The my joy was downgraded when I saw the spot for so long I had avoided it. I walked so slow over to it. I bit my lip as a snow drop fell on it. Looking at it I dropped to one knee and touched it with my finger tips. I felt a light brush over my shoulder at first I thought it was my mom but when I turned around it was my dad.

“Dad.”

“yes dear? He said in a soft whisper.”

“I can fell her.”

“Me to.” 

"happy birthday mom."