Wind chime

I find cool comfort,

inside the urban breeze,

Harsh, cold change- 

from the wind chime's disease.

Here I am but a stranger,

blank stares thrust upon me,

nothing is familiar,

I'm fading into obscurity.

Author's Note

Really random and not too fond of last line, doesn't quite flow to me! But please tell me what YOU think!!! :) Good and bad reviews totally welcomed! :)

Reviews

[BobM]

This is , in my opinion, a very interesting work of poetry. It conveys your emotion very nicely. For the last line, I believe the choice of words works well. However, I would consider revising the amount of syllables to help it flow with the entire poem. One other change I would consider is replacing the period on line 3 with a dash, to connect the ideas of line 3 and 4 together. Overall, "Wind Chime" is a very pleasant poem.

[Jocie de Jaune]

Thank you so much :) I'm really appreciating your reviews, they help me a lot to become the better writer I want to be! Syllables are always a problem for me, i just write a randomn poem and don't know how to change the amount of syllables once I've written it aha! I'll definately think about that before writing my next one. Thanks again! :)

[Chris]

I didn't find your thoughts random at all...

The tone within the words fit your last line.

The use of "cool" and "disease" speak in quite a tonal voice in your context.

[Jocie de Jaune]

Thanks ahaha :D

[sinNsincerity]

I think the last line works well Jocelyn.
Obscurity brings back the sounds that breeze and disease leave behind.
I also enjoyed the tone as well!

[Jocie de Jaune]

thanks, much appreciated :D