cracked veil

motherhood

i stare at you through my cracked veil

from within the reverse of a mirror

from living you , breathing you , shaping you

to seperated by the chasm of oblivion

your eyes are dark glass,

flitting, drifting, mind twitching

as you attacked wounded and mutilated me

my heart laid open,

beautiful exterior of terror ,anxiety

shun a fragile and berserk mind

the world a bizarre stranger to you

reality a constraint ,a confusing inconvienience

an alien heart pumping like a startled stag

now you follow me touch me

enter my space

i regect you for my own sake

tho want to savour every moment

so many lost , stress clouded

want to absorb you be one again

tho you are seperate entity to me

tired i beg and weep for exoneration

pity me not my lethargic neglect

a concious decision of eschew

that i will regret the irepairable damage

i am my own judge to repent to

like clay in my hands you become only what i mould

manipulated i am forever putty in yours

 

 

Author's Note

i am trying to get across the pain heartache and how difficult it can be sometimes being the mother of an autistic child , (tho it is definately a worth it )