Unrequited Love

The loss of a loved one and a love letter of what has changed since everything changed.

Unrequited Love

You were of the old world. This is a new world now.

Trump is president and Megan Markle married Prince Harry

I still miss you daily when I watch the birds fly by my window

that used to be your window

I hear the roar of the jets at LAX

and think of the days we flew above the airport together

on special flight rules.

I often wonder what went wrong. Where did we go wrong?

You were my everything. 

Time does not heal all wounds

Some stay open and fester for a long time

Some never heal at all, like the loss of a limb

that feels like is still there.

The pain is acute and  the cut is deep deep deep

Bandaids help only for a while

I just can’t sleep all the time

but when I’m awake,

I remember 

and I want to forget

but I can’t.

The country and the world is on lock down

We can’t go out now

no movies, sad for you

no museums, sad for me

No jacuzzi, no restaurants, just drive through’s

 and pick ups like El Pollo Loco

and Rubio’s

Pot is legal and real drugs aren’t sold 

on the street corners anymore 

they’re sold on TV in plain site.

Hiding in plain site.

Everyone is afraid of germs and disease

Afraid of each other

The world is crying.

I am crying too.

Anti social distancing is mandatory

Covering our face and hiding our smiles

and our frowns

is just the way it is

and the way it will remain for how long

no one knows.

It would have been your dream come true

Just you and me and no one else

and your worst nightmare

(other than the worst nightmare)

You wouldn’t be able to travel

to see you daughter and her kids

To show me the world

and explore it together.

We would have flown instead, in our plane all the time

alone and up above the fray

away from humanity and scarcity and fear

Just you and me in love alone in our plane Amore

and in our sailboat cruising to Malibu.

Loneliness is just another way to say I miss you

But I’m not supposed to

and I’m not supposed to feel responsible

and I’m not supposed to still be grieving

and didn’t i do a good job of getting through it all

Except I haven’t gotten through it all

And now I’m all alone and sorry

So sorry.