The Secret Life of Tyler Tharpe

The greatest pirate to ever sail the seven seas is forced to turn her sword to face an even greater threat...

 

The Secret Life of Tyler Tharpe

 

            Tyler stood by the ocean’s edge, gazing over the rippling waves, searching the horizon for any sign of human life. She was desperate to get off of that godforsaken island. Long ago, before the mutiny, she had been the captain of the finest pirating vessel ever to sail the seven seas. Now she was reduced to living off of fish and vegetables roots with no one for company but the birds. The irony was unbearable.

Even so, a great privateer such as herself could not be expected to mope around all day, even in the worst of circumstances. She did her best not to dwell on her wretched fate, instead choosing to focus on the memories of her greatest exploits until she was rescued. The sentry idly twirled a strand of long, strawberry hair as she thought about her past adventures, reliving every glorious moment.

            Her ears pricked. She heard a noise, a movement in the woods. Someone was coming. She quickly drew her cutlass from its sheath and spun around to face her enemy. Her well-trained eyes saw nothing out of the ordinary, but she knew better than to assume she was safe. She tightened the grip on her blade, eyeing the boughs of the trees, expecting someone, or something, to leap from above at any moment. She was wrong. The enemy came from below.

            A golden-skinned blur rushed from the undergrowth and lashed out at Tyler’s throat. She jumped to the side, rolling twice before coming back to her feet and getting a look at her attacker. He was covered from head to toe in rough patches of blond hair. The savage was unarmed, but his well-muscled biceps let Tyler know that this was no one to be trifled with, weapon or not. The wild ape of a man crouched down with a menacing growl, ready to pounce.

Tyler smiled. It had been so long since she’d had a chance to practice the sword. Still, she doubted there were more than two duelists in the entire world that could equal her. This foolish brute didn’t even have a blade. She danced circles around him, playfully tapping him on the side of his unkempt head.

“Tyler Faye Tharpe!”

“What is it mom?” whined Tyler.

“What in the world do you think your doing, beating the poor dog over the head and jumping around like a fool?! I told you to come to dinner fifteen minutes ago.”

“Coming mom,” Tyler shouted. She turned to her opponent and bowed. “You are a worthy adversary, but I’m afraid I must take my leave.” Her attacker happily wagged his tail, rolling over so that Tyler could scratch his fur-covered belly.

After making amends she trudged towards the house, pouting at the thought of spinach pot pies (something she liked far less than swashbuckling). She went through the back door, tracking muddy foot prints through the entire house before flopping down in front of a very unappetizing meal.

“Mom, do I really have to eat this?” she asked, poking her food, which jiggled far more than would be expected. “It’s green, I’m pretty sure that means something’s wrong.”

“Yes, you do have to eat it. The green parts just mean it’s good for you.” She pointed to Tyler’s sword. “How many times do I have to tell you not to bring sticks to the table?”

“It’s not a stick; it’s a cutlass, the greatest blade since Excalibur in fact.”

“I don’t care if it’s the hope diamond, I don’t want it on my table.”

“Oh mom, don’t be silly. You know I keep the diamond on my ship. Well, I did until the mutiny at least.”

“Oh my,” said Tyler’s mother, bringing her hands down the side of her face with a sigh. “What am I going to do with you Tyler? You’re in high school now. I swear that if you spent as much time on your homework as you did making up stories you’d be valedictorian.”

“But mom, if I did my homework who would protect the world from the likes of Sinclair? There are hundreds of dastardly pirates around; someone’s got to take care of them. Not to mention all the sea monsters.”

Tyler’s mother sighed, wiping her hands on a red, flowered apron. “Can you at least eat dinner before saving the world?”

“I guess so,” said Tyler, slumping in her seat.

“Thank you, I’m going upstairs to change. I’ll be right back down.”

Tyler hated spinach. She stared at her inedible pastry, wondering if she should try to feed it to the dog. No, she decided, that would be cruel. The green slime looked like it was almost alive. Tyler saw it twitch ever so slightly. Her eyes widened. It was alive. Tyler gasped in horror as she realized that it was an octopus in disguise.

It began to grow until its many tentacles wormed their way through the entire kitchen. This thing was too large to be an ordinary octopus; it must be the legendary kraken itself. One of the creature’s long, sucking arms wrapped around the refrigerator and hurled it at Tyler. She dove, rolling out of the way just in time. Tyler sprung back to her feet, only to be engulfed in a coil of green, slimy flesh. Her arms were pinned to her sides; she was helpless.

The kraken slammed her back and forth against the kitchen cabinets, bringing her to the brink of consciousness. It stopped, then slowly began to pull her towards its waiting mouth that was filled with row after row of razor sharp teeth. Tyler looked towards the floor to avoid the grisly sight and noticed her sword, only a few feet to the side, lying on the ground.

She inched it closer with her toes before kicking it in to the air. The blade landed between her chest and the coiled tentacles. She forced her body against the cutlass, driving the sharp edge into the monster’s flesh. The grip loosened. She wiggled with all her might, finally wrenching one arm free. She grabbed the hilt of her blade and separated the tentacle from its owner in an instant. She was free, but there were still seven more arms to worry about.

They were lashing out in all directions. She jumped over the nearest tentacle, diving and dodging each new attack. Tyler was doing such a good job of staying out of the way that the monster’s many arms had nothing to hit but each other. They were soon wrapped around themselves in a giant knot. The beast struggled to free itself, but only tightened its bonds.

Tyler was almost sad at her victory. She hated the idea of taking such a powerful creature out of the world, but she couldn’t very well let it wander the globe, eating people and being nasty. Knowing what she had to do, Tyler took a deep breath and hurled her sword at the monster’s head to deliver the deathblow.

Just then Tyler’s mother walked in to see her daughter throwing a stick at the delicious spinach pot pie that she had slaved all day to make. It exploded with a burst of green ooze. Tyler’s mother looked up to see disgusting globs of the stuff dripping from the ceiling. She began to shake with rage and her mouth formed a frown twenty leagues deep. The frown soon gave way to an enormous, frightening grin.

“Honey, could you come upstairs please?”

“Okay mom,” squeaked Tyler, staring at the floor.

In Tyler’s bedroom her mother sat on the bed, holding a worn book with a yellow cover in her lap.

“Sweetie, listen. I love a good story as much as anyone, but you can’t go around destroying the house every time you think of one. You do know what a book is, don’t you?”

“Bo-o-ok?” said Tyler in mock confusion.

Her mother raised an eyebrow and gave Tyler a stern glare. “Very funny. But seriously, I think you should try reading one. You’d be able to get all the adventures you want and nobody has to get hurt in the process.”

She handed the book to Tyler, who began to flip through the first few pages.

“Aww mom, this doesn’t look any good. I don’t even think it has any sword fights.”

“Well, no, it doesn’t.”

“I knew it,” said Tyler, pouting.

“But, it does have spies, espionage, betrayal, romance and high-tech gadgets.”

“Hmph!” said Tyler, turning her head.

Her mother walked out of the room, sneakily leaving the book on Tyler’s dresser as she left. Tyler tried to ignore it, but just couldn’t resist the temptation. As boring as all that junk sounded, there was a small part of her that just had to know what happened. She picked up the book and read the first page.

She didn’t have a chance; she was hooked. For the next three days she barely slept, devoting every waking minute to finishing the story. Whenever she left her room her mother tried not to laugh as Tyler repeatedly ran into cumbersome objects, blinded by the book that was never more than two inches away from her face.

On the fourth day, when Tyler came down to breakfast without her book, Tyler’s mother smiled, confident that she had broken her daughter of her childish habit.

“Is it safe to say that we won’t have to be worrying about pirates any more?”

“Of course not, that’s just silly.”

Tyler’s mother heaved a sigh of relief, clasped her hands together and whispered, “Thank you” to no one in particular.

“It’s the Russians we have to worry about,” said Tyler. “And by the way, don’t think you can fool me into giving away any secrets. They don’t call me agent double-o-awesome for nothing. I knew you weren’t my mother the moment I laid eyes on you. Next time, get a better disguise. As for now, I have a date with some enriched plutonium and a few dozen rolls of microfilm.”

And with that agent double-o-awesome leapt through the front door of the house, sprinted across the yard and jumped into the air, grabbing the bottom of a waiting helicopter and flying off into the sunset.

As all this was happening, Tyler’s mother watched her daughter dangling from a tree branch and wondered just what was she going to do with that girl.

 

 

           

Reviews

[telyra]

It's my story!! Hey, Justin!!

[Jacquelene Vanessa More..]

this excellant. good imagery, great action, suspense, good diction. i like that you used a chick. very intriguing i just kept on reading. can't wait to read more of your works

[Lady Tyke]

If I gave this to my mum to read she'd probably ask if it was written about me...I am sooooo much like that...obviously not as bad as I used to be but still. I love this story, filled with excitement and fantasy and not letting reality take hold!!