A Date With Krystle

Guys will do some pretty crazy things for girls. It's only when monsters become involved that things start to get weird.

 

Krystle

 

I don't believe the things I let that girl get me into. For some reason I couldn't even begin to explain, I was walking through the woods, in flip flops, at ten pm, on a Friday night. My feet were going numb from the cold, but not fast enough. I could still feel the three foot high wall of weeds that Krystle called a path between my toes. When she asked me to go to a movie with her, this was not what I had in mind.
         My herculean task of dodging tree limbs and wild animals was made even more difficult by the fact that my vision was obscured by an army of gnats flying around my head that apparently thought I was rather delicious. Every now and then one of the braver ones would land on my nose. From there they would stare at me, mocking me with their beady little gnat eyes.
        "Krystle! How much farther?"
        "It's just around the bend."
         She had been saying that for hours. God knew what "it" was. Judging by how my night had been going so far, "it" was probably a den of hungry wolverines, or maybe a fiery pit that lead to the seventh circle of hell. You couldn't put anything past Krystle.
         About three or four bends later we came to a stop outside an old run-down building. It looked as if it hadn't been used in years and there were so many missing shingles that the roof appeared to be standing on sheer will power. As I was pondering what horrors awaited me inside, Krystle started rummaging through her oversized purse. She pulled out a large silver disk about the size of a dinner plate.
        "Alien Wreckage?" I asked.
        "Not yet, that part doesn't come until halfway through, and we haven't even started yet."
         She held it on its side so I could read the front, ‘It Came from Outer Space’. It was a movie, a really old movie, from way back when they didn't have VCRs and everything was still done on reels. It turns out that this place was an abandoned theater that she had found while scouting trails for cross country. She had been so excited that she bought the movie from a thrift store just to try out the old projector.

 I considered mentioning that it was a bit suspicious for a movie theater to be built in the middle of nowhere, miles away from anything that even resembled civilization. I didn't get the chance. When I looked back, she was gone. Despite my apprehensions, I couldn't leave her there alone. I reluctantly went through the half-open door to face whatever fate that Krystle had chosen for us.
         I had expected everything to be covered in dust, with plenty of hidden cobwebs just waiting to attack me. But on the inside, everything was actually pristine. The linoleum floor of the lobby looked clean enough to eat off of. I was looking around for Krystle. I jumped as she cried out next to me.
        "YAY! POPCORN!"
         She ran to the concession stand, where bags of fresh-popped kernels were laid out as if someone had been expecting company.
        "Krystle, don't you think there's something wrong with this picture?"
        "No, I like popcorn. Don't you?"
         I never could figure out if Krystle was smarter than me, really brave, or just plain crazy. I was hoping it was the first one, but I was pretty sure it was a combination of the three. I gave in and took a bag of popcorn. If it was poison I couldn't let Krystle die alone. That would be rude. Plus, her mom is not the type of person you'd want to get into a fight with.
        There were three exits from the lobby. One large central hallway that was most certainly the way to the actual theater, and two small, unmarked doors, one on either side. The projectionist booth had to be through one of them.
        "Which way do you think it is?" she asked.
        "Back the way we came?"
        "Oh don't be silly. Hey, I know! Eenie Meenie Minie Moe…"
         I rolled my eyes as Krystle pointed accusingly from one door to the other while mumbling something about tigers.
         "And-you-are-not-it!"
         She was pointing to the left door. I was about to question the logic of her system, but she had already flown through the door on the right. Once again, I followed my misguided friend, doing what I could to preserve her safety.

We were in a long corridor. Who ever was cleaning the lobby hadn't been in here for quite some time. The floor and walls were made from stones that reminded me of a medieval castle. They were all stained, some were green, some were brown, but most were a very dark and suspicious shade of red. The musty odor of rotting wood filled the air. The path was lit by candles mounted along the wall at intervals of about twenty feet.
         We finally arrived at a very peculiar door. It was like something you'd expect to find at the entrance of a dungeon. It was made from solid oak, and at least twice my height. The most curious thing about the door was that it had no handle and no knob. When I tried to push it open the only thing I accomplished was making a fool of my self. Krystle giggled as I struggled with this ancient thing that appeared to be permanently attached to the wall. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand going towards the last candle of the corridor. It was a rather clever piece of work. The candle itself sat in the mouth of a ferocious looking bronze dragon that formed the base.
         "Maybe this opens it."
         ”NO!”
         I tried to stop her, but it was too late. She had broken the first rule of creepy old buildings, “All candles, books, and protruding bricks have magical powers and should not be touched”. I gasped as the floor fell from underneath us. The next thing I knew we were sliding down a long metal chute. I could hear Krystle joyously yelling "Weeee!" over my own frightened sobs. Even after landing on a hard rocky floor she was still dreadfully cheerful.
        It was dark; the only light was a barely visible green glow emanating from the corner at the far end of the passage. We were in a cave. I had expected cobwebs earlier, and now I’d found them. Huge masses of webbing lined the walls. White, sticky piles big enough to be sleeping bags were scattered on the floor. Krystle, always the optimist, didn't seem to notice. She was too interested by the drops of water falling from the ceiling.
        "They're called cave kisses," she said "If they fall on you it’s good luck"
         I didn't want this cave to kiss me. I just wanted out. As we made our way through the dank corridors I tried not to think about what I was stepping in. Note to self: flip flops suck. Also, never, ever, trust Krystle again.
         Now, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but it seems to me that spider webs usually mean spiders, and based on the size of the webs I saw, these spiders were not something that I would like to run into in a dark alley, or a dark cave for that matter. I tried to think of a plan, just in case one of these things showed up. Maybe it would just eat Krystle first and leave me alone. Maybe she could talk it to death.
         A few minutes later the feeling of nausea I had had since starting this horrible journey began to pass. I could see a light in the distance. Moonlight. I could even see trees. We were nearly out. I was almost relieved, until I saw the other lights. Eight, orange, glowing orbs were coming towards us. Each was the size of a base ball. That's when I saw Krystle rummaging again. Out of her purse came an industrial sized can of hairspray. I never saw the spider's body. I only heard its high pitched scream as it was blinded by aerosol-powered styling product. She grabbed me by the arm and we ran through the exit. As I was struggling to catch my breath, I looked up and saw a large bill board. It read:

Dear Patron,

         Thank you for joining us today at the Warren County Haunted Adventure Theater. Our Haunted Theater has dozens of different areas with literally hundreds of different paths, so no two trips are the same. Feel free to come back anytime! Your particular adventure was recorded for your viewing pleasure. You may purchase a copy, as well as several other fun souvenirs at our gift shop, located to your right. Warren County Haunted Adventure Theater is not responsible for any lost limbs, decapitations, broken bones, lacerations, burns, deformities, or any other injuries that may or may have not been suffered while participating in the attraction.

         I didn't know whether to be mad, or just happy that I was still alive. I looked at Krystle in amazement. She was still grinning from ear to ear.
        "I told you that you'd have fun. Don't try to lie, you know you did. And to think you doubted me. Just wait till you see what I have planned for next week. Thursday morning, six o'clock, meet me at the bus stop on Twelfth Street. Bring a lava lamp, and do not, I repeat do not wear socks. Trust me."

 

 

Reviews

[Susan M]

Very entertaining. And now you know why girls pack everything possible into their purses. You never know when you'll need that industrial-sized can of Aqua Net.

[Jamie Fantasy]

Lol! That was funny! She is goofball.

As always, this was incredibly well written. I think you've found your profession.