Tell Her

I'm a hopeless romantic.

This was it. It was now or never. She turned away to pack her bag as everybody emptied the room.

I took a deep breath. “I know that there is something between us and it’s something that a lot of people don’t have.” She turned around surprised that I was talking to her but I kept going. “The world doesn’t have enough of it and I think that we could be part of the minority of those who do. It’s worth a shot because, even though we have not been on the same path for a very long time, we are meant to be together. We will end up in the same place at the end. You will see that there are some things that you may be lacking that I have and I know that you fill the missing pieces in me too. If you can’t see this then you must be blind. Everybody sees it. There is chemistry. There is love. I love you. And I’ve needed to tell you that for a very long time, but every time I wanted you and every time I needed you, you wanted somebody else and you needed somebody else. It isn’t fair. I’ve spent all the time that I’ve known you focused solely on making you mine. Who knows, maybe my entire life has been leading up to you. It just seems like it’s not enough for you but you are the only thing that is important to me. If I have you then I will be okay. But without you, I don’t know what I can do. I can live, but my life will be missing the only thing that I truly desire.”

I stood there breathless, just like we had rehearsed, but this time it was not rehearsal. It was the real thing. I loved her, and she had to know.

She stood there but I couldn’t read her. This was the only time I could not read her emotions. Her jaw hung just the slightest bit open and her eyes shone a look of either disappointment or desire. It could go either way.

“I know, okay? I know it’s there. I feel it too. And I know it’s not fair, because I haven’t spent my time on you. I’ve been a bit preoccupied with other relationships that I’ve formed and I know that’s taken a toll on you. I’m stuck. But I am trying to be your friend because right now that’s the best I can do. And that’s all I have to give.”

“Well, I have nothing left to give. And I’m sorry because I think you deserve better than him and I think you know that but you’re scared to let him go because he’s your ‘safety net.’ But you need to know that even if he’s gone I’m going to be there to catch you.” I paused and asked the dreaded question. “I have to ask you, though�"“

“Don’t. Please don’t.”

I could see tears forming in her eyes. “Do you love me? Because I love you, I love you a whole lot more than I should. I shouldn’t even love you but I do because there’s just something about you.” I paused to see if she would answer but when she didn’t I prompted the question again. “Well, do you?”

She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as if to prevent the tears from falling down her porcelain cheeks. “I need to go,” she said as she threw her bag over her shoulders. She began walking and then I did something I really shouldn’t have done.

I don’t regret many things in my life, but this was one of the few that I did. As she grabbed the door handle I said something I shouldn’t have. “I don’t think I can go on with you ‘stuck.’ I think without you I’ll be a mess but it’ll be better than seeing you with him. That pain you put me through just isn’t fair. So, if you don’t love me then you can walk out that door,” I paused and swallowed but she didn’t move an inch, “but if you walk out that door right now I will be broken. And from then I will be rebuilding, but I will be doing that without you. I can’t have you in my life. I love you too much and it hurts too much for me to go on the way it has been, especially since you know now.”

She didn’t move an inch. And without turning around I heard her inhale what sounded like a sob. I knew that sob, I had heard it only a few times but I would recognize it anywhere. My heart broke, right then and right there. She turned the knob and left. I saw her wipe her face as she turned the corner. I ruined my friendship with her. I ruined her innocent idea of me, and put into the back of her mind the guilt that she should not have felt. Most importantly, though, I ruined her face. I ruined her perfect unstained skin. I ruined her.

I kicked a chair as hard as I could, not caring if I had fractured a bone. The pain of that could not compare to the hell I was about to face without her.

© 2014 Katharine Shepherds

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MusicManiac

Hello there!

I, too, am a hopeless romantic, but I think this proves that being so doesn't necessarily mean everything we write has a happy ending.

It's a cliche at weddings for the bride and the groom to say that they married their best friend--but there are those relationships which can't survive that step. It's a scary thing to do--to risk a wonderful friendship with a confession. But at the same time, it's not fair to have hold those emotions in to the extent of suffering, such as the narrator in this story did. It's a shame that rejections like these usually end with the couple never speaking again, but I think your narrator said it best with:

"And from then I will be rebuilding, but I will be doing that without you."

Affairs of the heart can be tragic, but they can also be magical if we can overcome heartbreak :)

I enjoyed reading this story--thank you for sharing it!

~MusicManiac