Winter...

A poem about the cold and lonely feelings of winter, and heartbreak.

Winter smells like the Chapstick 

 my boyfriend carefully applied on his lips 

 before braving the cold to see me. 

We walk around the city centre together 

past buskers and homeless people. 

He’s wearing a skater beanie 

 and clasping a hot chocolate with two hands, 

and I think dang, this is worth braving the cold for. 

Winter smells ashy but refreshing, 

like a lit cigarette warming me up inside and out 

 acting as a rare beacon of heat in the cold air around me. 

It’s so cold I’ve got smoke shooting out of my mouth 

with every breath long after my last drag. 

Winter smells like tears 

 streaming down my face in the shower 

only to be instantly washed away.  

I’m engulfed in a mixture of steam and heartbreak 

wondering what I did wrong to lose him 

 turning the heat so high 

 I nearly pass out on your bathroom tiles. 

 Three weeks into September 

 and ironically, it’s the first time I’ve felt cold all winter. 

Winter smells like my best friend’s hoodie 

 as I break down crying into his stomach 

 I mean the world to him 

 but at that point I’m too heartbroken to care. 

 All I can do is wish that it was someone else holding me tight 

 as I break down instead.  

By the time I appreciate my shoulder to cry on, it’s too late. 

 I guess I don’t appreciate what I have until it’s gone. 

Winter smells like my gym, 

 a rare sanctuary from the chilly wind outside, 

 conveniently nestled in the basement of the mall, 

beneath a laundromat and a comic shop. 

Somehow, it’s the one place that stays the same year-round, 

no matter the season. 

 Sweat dripping down my brow 

 as I push my body to its limits on the assault bike. 

 That familiar burn in my torso as I do sit-ups. 

 It’s consistent. 

Winter smells like the pint of vodka 

 I snuck from my house into a metal water bottle 

ready to be split between me and three friends  

in the blind spot behind the school gym. 

 I’m freezing my butt off, 

 all for a drink. 

 My throat burns as I gulp it down 

and I prefer it that way. 

 It’s a welcome change from the chill. 

 I’m living. 

 I’m not happy 

but one day I will be.

  

I know that. 

I know that it’ll get better one day.  

 

But until then, 

 

 I’m on my own. 

 

Author's Note

Any feedback on this piece would be amazing. Thank you so much for reading. <3

Reviews

[CLR9]

You spelled center wrong. I never finished it, but I will come back to it to help me sleep. It was that boring.

[Josalynn Marie]

I intentionally spelled center that way. Thanks for your *yawn* feedback.

[CLR9]

Y'all asked for it.