Unauthentic

This is my struggle.

I realize I am direct with others because I don't like being accused of being unauthentic. 

I enjoy my empathy, because it's not sympathy. I don't just feel sorry for people, I feel their pain, I feel their struggles. 

The hardest part is I know most people are parading around in masks. 

Throughout my life it has felt like little pieces of my soul have been killed off by the unauthentic individuals. 

I just can't not understand why anyone would desire to objectify or use anyone as a bandaid to their own personal pain. 

Then discard them once they've bled into them. 

I crave a genuine honest connection with another human. 

I genuinely value other humans. 

I am in constantly seeking the evolution of human consciousness. 

I am in constant forgiveness of others, and not shocked when by another's lack of self-awareness and the fact that they cannot be honest with themselves. 

However, I find I am often rejected or people attempt to use me.

Yes, I have fallen into traps. 

I do not want to go into isolation although it is sometimes tempting. 

The world seems overwhelming at times. 

I know I am not too much. 

I possibly could be too much for others. 

I am not afraid to say I like company and I like being alone, there is balance. 

I've always been that kid people wanted to abuse or molest, so now as an adult it's become kind like predator knows prey.

I realized I need to safe guard myself. 

I see the things unseen and I often don't like what I see or know about people. 

I hate the knowing. 

I hate allowing it. 

I hate being disappointed in advance knowing that the outcome will ultimately lead to my heart ache. 

I hate that I was attracted to a false representation. 

Why can't people just tell the truth? 

I want to believe there are good in people in the world, but sadly I am finding that there are few. 

Author's Note

Give me grace :)

Reviews

[FlatLineBeauty]

Oh my! Dear you don't need grace. This was actually just very deep and it made me want to know you more, although through reading this it's almost like looking into my own mind set. I really hope you keep writing and sharing more. I can honestly say... I look forward to reading more of your work and I do hope to get to know you better!

[caterpillar]

Hello,
I appreciate your feedback and openness. I like to express myself open in raw in a world where people are hiding. Your message was received with tears of gratefulness. Yes, I will be expressing myself more. I am still grasping the use of this network. Thank you for being beautiful through and through.

Kindly,
Jessica