The Commute

This is written in 4-beat accentual syllabic couplets.

The Commute

The alarm awakens me from my dreams,
As dew on the grass in fresh sunlight gleams.
The sun has risen, the sky becomes bright,
But my eyes detest this unwelcome light.
These first morning signs, whilst scenic to many,
Remind me that I must again earn my penny.
Into the Big Smoke is where I must go,
Back to the place I all too well know.

Awaiting the train, I take my position,
The same every day. My trivial mission
To capture the spot where my marks align
The approaching doors...and success is mine!
Pick of the seats, my preferred I procure - 
The reward for being first through the door.
School children swarm, engulfing the suits.
In a wave of chatter, the workers sit mute.

The train advances, the stations pass on,
Familiar sights grow from the horizon.
Buildings so famous, well-known worldwide.
This view brings a smile I neglect to hide.
My grumbles I instantly all but forget
When I think what this city means to me yet.
It’s promise, it’s future, it’s history.
It has so much to offer somebody like me.

I step from the train, just one of the crowd,
But something about this makes me so proud.
I feel part of something as I move in the mass,
With people, familiar, rushing to pass,
We're dictated by time, our routines are set.
Acquainted, yet strangers, as we've never met.
Some faces I see almost every day:
We are all commuters, just earning our pay.

Reviews

[Beccy]

Hi Fergie. Your dad pointed me your direction and I am glad he did.

This is a really well written poem about the daily commute. The picture you paint is very clear in the mind's eye; and I particularly enjoyed the contrast between the happy, chattering children and the mute workers heading for the daily grind.

Form is also rather good. The slight variation in accent and syllable count being perfectly acceptable, and the whole flows rather well. Aside from a little tidying up of the punctuation, there are just a couple of minor points that caught my attention. In stanza two, line six the flow becomes slightly awkward on the tongue when one reads aloud; (which I always do,) and in stanza three, line six the word 'yet' seems a little out of context, as if it has has been employed purely because it rhymes with forget; but like I say, overall, a really nicely written piece.

Beccy.

[Samantha Davros]

'With people, familiar, rushing to pass ... acquainted, yet strangers, as we've never met'
I absolutely love it!

[Mark]

An enlightening and refreshing look at a morning commute. SO nice to read something positive about a subject which is taken for granted as being a drudgery.

Well done IMO :)

[spiritwind]

"This is written in 4-beat accentual syllabic couplets."
I do not know what that is--I shall go google it up later.
I do know there was a rhythm and I settled into that
I was caught up in your last stanza--caught up in a monumental moment far above the spotlight on self. Excellent.

[Sacha Davison]

A great look at the monotonous routines that most of us put up with on a daily basis and how we accept this way of life, as though we are more comfortable this way.

[James E. Peterson]

what i have to face almost everyday

[Leslie Philibert]

I like this a lot, reminded me a bit of Philip Larkin. s The Whitsun Weddings, which I read recently, loads of good details, a real story, well written.

[X]

Love the flow and sounds of this. Quite good prose and a nice message that escapes nobody. Well done using the technique that you aimed for.

X

[AYVID N]

I totally relate to the sense of belonging one feels with the human dynamo that's a big city. It especially holds true of metropolitan cities like Mumbai and London's Subway with extensive transport systems.
My compliments on the superb narration.

[Frieda P]

You've taken a mundane subject and given it life, how do you do that? You've taken something so commonplace and breathed life into it. Rich!