I just won't care anymore

this is me really venting

           Having a broken heart
Is like internal bleeding
No one can see it on the outside
But inside you are being ripped apart and dying
Like having a broken heart you get sick
Just like internal bleeding you cry on the floor due to all the pain

           In fact, I even have a tattoo of a broken heart
Because people hurt me all the time
Everyone leaves
So why care?
Why have love, when everyone hurts you?
They say, no time will heal the pain
LOL NOPE
Time makes it worst, and all I have left are the delusions and my sad memories

        When friends leave for college, get married, or just get too busy
You know what I do?
Not make new friends because I don’t even like people

        I cry, cry all day
I have gotten used to how my tears taste, that they do not even taste salty anymore
My tears have no taste, like water
I try sleep for twelve hours

       No reason to party
Not because I work all the time
But because I just smoke on my weed and drink myself into a coma

        I have enough money to  provide for myself in a huge house
But I feel so lonely, oh my even my soul is lonely
So I help out people, give food to homeless people
Give clothes to poor people
Why am I so nice in this cruel world?

         I cannot deal with change
Nothing ever stays the same
At first people love me and want to be with me
Then when they get used to me they get bored of me so leave me
Then they get sick of my soul so they stop talking to me
It is okay, I finally understand because I don’t even like myself

         I am not sick in the head, it’s not like I chop people up and play with their blood
I follow the rules and help people out who are left out in the mud
I would never hurt someone else
So why do I always get hurt?

         I can see why so many people are on depression medication
So they do not have to be unhappy anymore
I don’t take that because I told my doctor that it’s okay I’m used to being miserable

          My heart was full of love
Until so many people beat it up and cracked it into several pieces
It is like everything you read, every song you hear, every movie you watch, everyone you talk to all reminds you about love, its like you cant escape the hurtfulness of love
However, now my heart will only focus on me because no one can be my hero, I have to make myself content. 

Author's Note

I don't even care that this barley flows. But I do hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews

[Ramya]

About the poem....it is simply wonderful. Can feel the emotional vibes in every line. Soulful, well written!! Venting out through words is a huge relief....n here you have some practical revelations. And life is so full of them! But.....we get through all this...someday, one day:)

[TheAdamBryant]

wow this is an incredible , well writed , very good and awesome poem

[Inci 2]

yes i enjoyed it like u did as it seems from the way u write .. what is in the mind is directly on paper.. nice!!

[Megan]

Wow..the way this starts...

"Having a broken heart
Is like internal bleeding
No one can see it on the outside
But inside you are being ripped apart and dying"

It's like you hit the nail on the head with your broken heart...rather than being vague...

There's so much that can hurt a person, so many things that can crack their heart, that can make them "internally bleed" as you say here.

But there's a positive in this...Though your heart may crack in so many ways, though it's fragile like glass, though you feel like it will never mend, a heart can never break. The pieces can never shatter. There is always a chance for things to be okay.

At the end you wrote "I have to make myself content", and what a truth that is. Our surroundings will never be perfect, never be nice to us all the time. They will never be constantly causing pain, nor constantly creating a welcoming warmth. But one thing we can do is find contentment in who we are as people, what makes us, us. Just remember that there is always hope, always a way to be happy in the pain that is surrounding, often like an ocean. Keep searching for that happiness, and don't let the pain overcome you, drown you.

[joshua deathdealer]

You nailed the emotions and pondering's of how I feel almost daily. Great work.

[JanieB]

Oh my goodness me...tragic! Truely tragic!
Ashley, if you are writing about yourself, you sound like an angel. Sadly, the people you have allowed into your life take advantage of your kind, sweet nature and then dump you like a sack of potatoes when they have what they want from you.
You deserve wy more than this. You are a truly lovely person, who should be loved. Please don't beat yourself up anymore, you have just mad e few mistakes, as we all do and let the wrong people in. Get the negative ones out of your life and surround yourself with positive and caring people. Your life will change massively. xx

[Brittni]

Tragically disturbing, and shaking me down to the core..But a work of art all in its own.

[The old me]

Im sorry to hear about what all has happened. Ashley, stay strong. You will get passed this, Brownie

[Ashley]

not all of this is true

[Distant horizons]

When i read your comment about it being a vent, i almost didn't read this. Sorry, only telling the truth, but i'm glad i did.
This is Tragic on so many levels. Personally i have never known you to vent and i'm currently being wary of what i say to people due to having recent problems with a select few, but i just wanted to say something, hope you don't mind.
Sometimes we all need to vent, i done this by closing my account and ignoring the world for a while. your words show true anguish and no, i unfortunately have no magic answer for you, but i did feel your pain and disappointment of how you have been treated. I don't know why it's always the good ones who get hurt, maybe some people see a smile as a weakness, but it doesn't mean that you need to change who you are or how you treat others. it's nothing you have done, so please dont feel the need to change.
Get high, get wasted, get yourself. If others don't, they don't
Hmm, sorry about that. I did have a point to starting this, honestly. But i lost the thread for worrying i was coming accross as patronising. It wasn't my intention if i did. I've had some of the same thoughts here myself. People will always be flawed. But as you say so eloquently, what is there you can do?
This is one case where the phrase if you cant beat them, join them, shouldnt be considered. Just be yourself.
I'll shut up now. Please feel free to delete this. I won't be offended.
Take care,
Lorry