Smiling a deadly secret

I wrote this for a contest(s). It helped with my emotions and helped me finish my poem. The secret was a good topic.

Its exhausting waiting for my death
Snorting cocaine out of a colorful bendy straw
Like its going out of style
It keeps me awake for awhile
In order for me to appear energetic
Many others say it keeps them feeling alive
Except nothing feels right, so I don’t even want to feel alive
Waiting for something better to happen
S**t happens, like my past memories
All I want is fun
All I get is more depressed inside my soul and broken heart
I do not feel like I am doing anything right
This secret that I’m hiding
Faking a smile
I cannot stand being here, waiting to die
I am tired of everyone emotions, even my own
Popping Prozac just to help me fake my smile
Waving at people while at school and my jobs
When I really want to give them the finger
The secret of my gloominess, only I will know
Hiding depression inside me
Is like my own distraction from my past memories.

Author's Note

Please review. :D

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Many people need drugs and alcohol to survive a day. Hard place to be. After a time. The drugs and booze don't help anymore. I like how you told the story in this poem. Depression is a hard battle. Thank you for a excellent poem. You open the door to many questions.

[Jeff]

Very dark. But it's honest.

[The Analog Kid]

Very dark and introspective. Brutally honest. An excellent view of depression and it's destruction...

[realmwriter]

Your word speak from your soul. I kinda know how this feels, most of the time I just want to tell everyone to get lost and "bad word" off. But I, like you were my upside down frown and pretend that everything is fine, when in reality it's all corkscrewed and twisted like the the tines of satins forked trident... But a "We'll always have Paris." Deep dark write. Screams at you and slaps you awake, afraid of sleep.

[Krista]

I love it. You did a wonderful job. Depression is hard to deal with. Drugs and alcohol are ways to cope. I use booze but I'm mainly a person who self injures. It's so much easier to fake happiness then be truly happy I have learned. I have learned not to trust, or care about life. I have learned love is just a tale that won't happen. Life is just a fucked up ride that we all go through

[joshua deathdealer]

Very dark...love the first line.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

ahhh.

[A.E. Reed]

I love it. So very dark and depressing but really shows how much people do rely on pills and alcohol to make it through their day. Wonderful.

[Everson Taveras]

You killed it with that first line-- I mean that in a good way lol. Sometimes hanging on the edge of death makes us feel alive, almost invincible. At least that's what I interpreted from this poem. This is the harsh truth of reality, and you served in a cold dose that leaves the reader begging for more, like a drug leading to a high you never want to get off of. I'd be terribly upset if this didn't win the contest. Great work.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Captured the necessities, that what it is to these people so vividly indeed, brilliant job !!!

[Dove]

A lot of people feel like they need drugs to survive and i know that. has to be a hard thing to deal with. You told the story really well in this poem. Great job! keep writing.