Hey hey yeah you girl, what do I say?

Written for a contest. Inspired by different Led Zeppelin songs. Most about their song, "Hey Hey what can I do?"

Hey babe you sure are got a pretty little face
I can see in your eyes that you lie
I see through my left eye winking at you
That smudged red lipstick all over your tasty lips
Roamin the streets at night
Just to make a quick buck
Damn babe why you gotta stay drunk during the day
The Lord will help you get your act together
Girl, you are too sexy to be out all night
When you are with me we always fight
Lost to many woman due to heroin
But babe I just can’t lose you
I don’t mind your drug filled needle
Since you don’t mind my groovy purple haze pipe
I don’t know what to do about you
You keep me up all night waiting by the phone
When I know you are roamin at my neighbors
You are never alone nor have lonely nights like I do
Just waiting for you jammin on my guitar
Girl you got my head twisted
You a foxy heartbreak
Yeah I see you sucking on that jawbreaker
All I wanna do is bang you and suck on my purple pipe

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the way you wrote this poem. Like a old rock and roll song pace. So many lines I like in this poem.
"Lost to many woman due to heroin
But babe I just can’t lose you
I don’t mind your drug filled needle
Since you don’t mind my groovy purple haze pipe"
Thank you for a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I like the idea here for sure, but I get lost a lot in the language you use. A bit more punctuation might help. The first line, too, is misworded. I like the idea, though, of loving someone who doesn't love themselves. It's a topic I could write/read about all day long--been there more than once. I think you capture that feeling quite well through the narrator's words. WHY DOES HE STAY WITH HER?! It's the question that can't be answered but with one simple word: love. Love she may or may not even deserve. I like what you did here. Thanks for entering this into the HOOKERS! contest and good luck!
KH

[Reaper]

Very sexual, to almost a great level

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Wow, this has a real nice beat and tempo, while having a central core that is beautiful :)

[Helpless]

could you post this on the group page? cause i would really love to feature you with this one for a couple weeks if you don't mind. :)

[....]

This is really amazing!

[Calypso]

Oh wow!

[Amit Parmessur]

good one... you have talent, get going.

[roy mccarthy]

this is def off the hook!
plays out like a song!

[Pinkly Smooth]

Smooth, just like the song. This poem took me back in time.
Excellent Work.

[Cassiopia Summers]

It does remind me of an old rock song. Great write. :) I love the flow and the conclusion is perfect.