Why do you cause me pain?

Please review and comment. :)

My heart is swelling weak
Fragile it hurts to even speak
Think, even eat

I cannot deal without you here
nor even remotely near
My ribs hurt in discomfit to even breathe

I keep falling apart
broken lovers just like my heart

I’m crawling on the floor
Begging for more of you
But you still continue to walk out my door
Not answering your cell phone
Ignoring my lonely and desperate soul

I cannot help but crying over you
My tears do not seem to vanish

My bloody lips are not drying
from all the crying I do
I suck and bit my lips until they bleed
Bright red blood lingers sweetly on my moist tongue
I need something to give me motivation, to save me from you
to save me from myself
Before it’s too late.

Reviews

[TheSweet]

Very apt understanding of the pain of love. Quite a powerful poem. On the 5th to last line, you're missing an 'e' from bite I think.

The full stop at the end and nowhere else gives it a finishing feel I think. As if you've summed everything up before it - which you seem to have done well. Good job :)

[Dove]

The imagery and emotion in this poem is so strong i can see it all. This is an extremely powerful poem and i enjoyed reading it. I also love how you got your point across to the readers. Fantastic!

[SpokenWord]

Well I can feel the emotion in this one also the conflict as not everyone we love is actually good for us. It also shows how in a relationship it can be more of one person loving the other more than the loving they get in return. Very good expressions in this one.

[Alexis]

The imagery of this poem is amazing. I could see it all. I love being able to see everything so detailed in my head! :) Although, this is a sad poem. And if you've had the bad luck of having such a feeling inside you, then I must apologize, it sounds overly painful. Yeah, maybe someone's made me feel pretty bad when it came to this topic of "love", but it hasn't been NEARLY as bad as it could possibly be. But now I'm just ranting. ;) So, good emotion, strong words, and good imagery! Keep up the good work!

[halflives]

Ooh, well done. It's very descriptive and strong willed. Your point really gets out to the readers. Great job! :)

[James Darrow]

Very powerful, very tragic. Great stuff, and a great job.

[OT]

I like the rhyme scheme you have - it's quite sporadic at times - but I think it adds to the agitated feel - biting lips - the pain - and I like the "to save me from myself" - that notion always appeals to me! nice!

[Julie Beth]

this is really sad and has a lot of emotion i really liked this you did a good job :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad poem. Hard to forget pain. Only time is the cure for the lost of someone special in a life. The description was strong and I could feel the desire for help in your words. I used writing and trying to find something to keep you busy. Only cure for a broken heart till the door can be open again for the chance of love. A excellent poem.
Coyote