Trying to survive happy

I do not twist, turn, and wipe my tears in my bed
For 12 hours per night because I am tired
But because I cannot seem to deal with reality
I do not want to deal with my issues anymore
I want to escape into a world where there are no worries
Not a stressor anywhere for anyone
I guess I have to wait
Time will help and tell what’s going on
I'm tired of being sick
It's so nice being able to hold someone
However, every time I get close like that
They leave without a goodbye or hurt me until I cry
I'm tired of wanting to die
But I know it's when I will truly be happy
With no medicine to help
Nevertheless, I have to keep trying to survive for myself
No one else
Just my strange self
Will be happy
I have to move on to be truly happy
Enough with these hospital visits for my mentally and emotionally broken heart
Everything in time should be better
I will decide what’s right
I will find more cool people
No more begging for attention
From a guy that will never care
So why should I still think of him every two minutes?
When I’m just having fun
Who needs love, when I have chocolate?
No more twitching during the day from my anxiety
Deep breathing and praying will help me
Since I’m going to start living my life
The way I mostly want.

Author's Note

The picture says, "Because I know what it feels like to beg God to just take it all away."

Reviews

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wow this is a very deep strong poem. I can say that their is a lot out there that feel the same way that you have. This is very amazing, this brings tears to my eyes. Your power of words really get to me. This is a wonderful poem and have to say this one must be one of my favs. The flow of it is amazing. Wonderful work thanks for sharing.

[Matthew Smith]

Pretty deep, depressing, like most stuff on this website turns out to be.

"Who needs love when I have chocolate?" - Favorite line.

Also enjoyed the end. It cut off on a strong note with the "mostly want" thing.

[JewelsGold]

You found me, Ashley, inside this cyber world to share your poem with me. I know why. It could have easily been me writing this to myself....
Others may say that there "are people out there who can relate and feel this all too well...."
I am one of those people, girl. I lived and breathed it, I still even do. Without knowing the details of your situation, I know exactly where you are. If you want to hear that it gets better, well, that would be entirely Up To You! If you are anything like me, well, I stay in it because I hope....and hope... and hope some more....regardless and I do mean regardless OF ANYTHING THAT STANDS IN LOVE'S WAY. However, if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Happiness is a choice that is very personally made. Choose Joy, my poetic friend, and joy will find you there, anywhere you choose to put yourself and your heart, joy will find you. Choose joy, it wants so much to live in you, and by sheer will alone, I for one believe you shall have it. And an abundance of it at that! Good job on expression in this poem. Thank you for sharing it.

[An owl on the moon]

This was so painful.. how happiness is flighting and elusive.. hiding in shadows.. whispering but too softly to hear.. how another can too often determine our days.. and nights. This is profoundly written...

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is really good. It took my breathe away. I enjoyed it alot, it has a great story. Great write! :)

[Megan]

i really like this poem! it's so hard sometimes...when you try so hard to be happy, and so hard to just get that one person you feel like you love, to come back to you..but sometimes God has other plans...and you can get through the hard times...:)

i also like how your poetry doesn't seem to have a certain pattern, but just is. it's free, and open. and just there, expressing the feelings. it's really relatable. you can find happiness ashley, you can :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I like this poem. I know how you feel. I'm tired of people screwing up my life...depressing me to the point where I want to die. This is a very emotional poem. I can connect with it...thanks for sharing.

[Myenigma]

live life to the fullest!!!!! You will be happy!