When I am with you I do not fake a smile

another emotional poem about a girl loving a guy, but he ignores her.

I wish I could forget my emotional pains
I thought talking to you was suppose to make things better
Not worse
I am always up late wondering what things could, should have been
Instead of you ignoring me, or fighting, abusing my emotions
I think you secretly despise me, even though you say
That it's your phone or you are busy
Well how can a new phone be broken?
I try to text you like crazy
But I only receive stupid chain mails
I call you but I get no reply
I only get a dirty text at 11 pm to fulfill your needs
Like an idiot, I moan to you Yes
That's if you show up, when you are not busy
Even when I have 100 things to do, I always put you first
My heart is dying inside my useless body
Your ignorance hurts me more than it should
But you act like you do not a lot wrong
I try to close my eyes and sing a song, not even that helps
I am the only person you say you really love
Well what type of sick twisted love is this?
I think about suicide everyday
I would not mind if I just died
Tired of lying to myself everyday that everything will be better than ok
I only pretend you care about me too
Even though I seen you kiss other girls with your pink lips
And the linger of cheap perfume on your jacket stinks
You give the black jacket to me to keep warm
I just make believe you bought it that way and you just used chap-stick
When we are together and I stare into your brown eyes
And you look into my brown eyes
I feel you look right through my soul
You make my heart skip a beat
Instead of pounding fast
You are everything in the whole universe to me
You make me feel more than an appearance of a shadow
I can not take only speaking to you twice a week
And only seeing you once a month
When you gently brush my hairs behind my ears,
and softly whisper you love me
My whole body feels sore but contently better
When you are not here I feel invisible
I can feel the cracks in my broken heart getting deeper,
deeper, and deeper.
What is wrong with me? Can't you see I just want to be with you?
My life is wrong, everything feels miserable
I have to move from my real home, even farther from you
Giving up from school
Not caring about a job
You are the something that takes away some of my pain
Even when you break my heart by ignoring my cry out for help
I drive over the speed limit, not caring if I crash
I usually feel like something seems to be wrong
And I seem to be missing something unreal
Even though I know I am alone, I think of you every moment I can
I am tired of holding on, but I can not stop
Why must you leave me when I get on the floor begging you to stay near?
I am stupid because I constantly worry about you
How can you forget and leave me?
I run to you every chance I get, but you only catch me once in awhile
I can not resits you
Especially when our lungs fill up with smoke
I can not get enough of you
But the pain gets to me every time
I continue to hide away
Baby why am I not enough for you?
How can I stop, if everything I do reminds me of your voice,
the way you move, you holding me?
I keep you locked in my brain, you are the only thing that gives me hope
I can not cope with my empty heart without you
Time is ticking away but my pain grows
Everyday without you is the worst day of my life
Every night when I close my wet eyes I dream I am by your side
Everyday with you is more confusing than the last
The past was fun, what happened?
I thought you would change for the better
Nothing helps my pain anymore
I do not even talk to my friends anymore
I just fake laughter when they speak to me
I do not care to call my family
When they call I barley pick up and mutter everything is fine
Even when deep down inside I want to scream
I try crying my pain out every night
How can I let go if you are the only beauty in my eyes?
Popping pills left and right for my problematic headaches
I have so many confusing images in my thoughts
But you are the only amazing one that stays on my mind for awhile
I can not wait to hear from you again, but when?
I try not to take my issues about love on new people I see
I try to be a good person in life, so why is life being so harsh on me?

Author's Note

I hope you liked it.

Reviews

[A.E. Reed]

Really moving and sad. Wonderful writing and you really expressed what you felt :) Good job.

-A.E. Reed

[Megan]

this was fabulous.. I have no words, no critique..this really touched my heart on a personal level and on a writing level.. I love this to pieces.