All alone in a crowded room

Just a poem of my feelings, I feel alone even in a crowded room.

In a crowded room, how can I feel this lonely?
Because people are cruel in life
They will tell you what to do and try to pull you down
In this compacted area my mind preoccupies with thoughts
About suicide, if I kill myself now, will anyone even miss me?
Probably for a month or so, then they will move on
So why am I not dead just yet?
Everyone wants to talk but no one wants to listen to me
I try to carry on and walk away from the lonely room
Even though I do not know where I belong
I ponder about love and lust those chemical emotions,
makes me joyful and suffering with regret at the same time
When the beaming sun comes up
When the brisk moonlight shines
He is in my mind
I know I always get hurt because he lies
And thinks its funny when it is defiantly not
I know he always forgets me
But I can not forget him
I keep holding onto something not real
I can not change whats going on
He is still on my mind, I am tired of always being alone
I still miss him, even if he does not trust me
He is good at pretending he loves me
I count the hours away from him
And I know he could care less
I just want to be in his arms
Even if he emotionally abuse me
My heart is ripping and feeling so cold
He angrily beats me with the words out of his soft lips
He usually push me to the side
Why must he hurt me too?
I want to walk away from my problems,
because I bottle them up inside
Thinking its the right thing to do
But deep down inside I could not care any more than I do now
I need some mental help, but where could that help be?
How can I go on?
I hope everyday something would end my life
Because I know I probably will not be his wife
It came to the point where I do not even want to get up from bed
Those very few hours of sleep per night are the best
Because I do not feel anything at all
During the day I do not know what to think of
During the night I wish I could wake up with the answers
The clock strikes 12
And I need to take my medicine, it is the thing that keeps me sane
But I have no more pills left
Nothing is right anymore
Misery is the feeling I am used to
Pain is the only emotion I really know
I do not want to fight to survive anymore
I pace back and forth for a few times
I ponder about my issues, my mistakes
Lying to myself and others about anything
Because I forgot the truth about everything
I gave up so easily
I cry, I feel so useless
Why is life the way it is?
I do not understand why life is so lonely
They say more money more problems
I do not think that's true
Unfortunately money is the center of it all
Without it you have nothing
With it you have everything
Maybe if I was rich, someone, something, him, would maybe love me
I can not keep hiding everything is ok
I need something like a hero to save my life before it is too late.



  

Reviews

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Another fine write, you do express emotions masterfully:)

[An owl on the moon]

This just overwhelmed me.. yes, so very sad.. I was here at one point in my life so i can relate to your emotions.. your thoughts.. the wonderings and longings.. How I long to read your words when everything falls into place for you..