How do I let myself heal being away from you?

I wrote this during my lunch breaks in the library, and I just edited tonight. hope you like it

As I watch the clock slowly tick away
I try to dream for a better day
Still wishing you were mine
Instead I feel you behind my back
With another lover
When we should be with only each other
I tried so hard for you to care about me
My heart is not enough for your bitter soul
Wishing away my broken heart
Since no one can change the time in the old past
It just has to last
My broken heart, will it ever heal?
Can not even eat my meals
All alone with only slow clocks ticking my wasted time away
Why can I not be free?
I am trapped in my mind wondering why?
And wishing my heart will heal
Even when I am trying to fall asleep
In the empty cold bed
I am such a fool for thinking of you every moment
Not a day goes by without me needing you
More and more each day
Why do you do ignore me?
Again I lean towards drugs, pills
To help me just get through the isolated night
I fall hard onto my mascara flakes and wet pillows
Thinking  why I am not dead, just yet.
Wondering  where a loaded gun is
When you need one the most
My heart is huge
But I sometimes  wish it  would stop beating
Still wishing my pain would go away, as I lay,
Trying to pray
What can take away my discomfort?
I go back into the same ways of thinking
I am tired of everything and everyone
Dishearten of waiting and trying
So I try to not care
I try to be brave
To not be there anymore
That only lasts for a few hours
As my medicine wares off when the clocks..
tick, tick.. tick..
I suffer more and more without you here
Or even closely near
I start to take more pills
To help ease my pain inside my soul
I fake a laugh
And keep being delusional
I get lost in reality and what is real
Is this why I have so many aches?
How can I use you then shut you out,
Like what you do to me?
How can I let the past be the past,
If my future does not look as bright without you?

Reviews

[r]

This is an amazing poem with emotions leaping off the page. It is so heartbreaking and full of anguish, agony. The format is beautiful, with all the different fonts and such, and really adds to the poem. An amazing poem, full of wanting to heal and forget but being unable to. It's just....so painful. and dark.

[Wolf]

loved it

[An owl on the moon]

Such a heartbreaking, painful write.. filled with emotion and longing.. that loss of the one you love.. It denotes a desire to heal, but the overwhelming notion that healing means moving on...

[Jeff]

Dark and depressing to be honest. It's still really good, and in time the wounds will heal. Just be patient.