Need to fully move on

My heart feels cheerless
my soul feels numb
my shadow lingers along
I feel worthless without you
without you the pain grows stronger
people say, “Don’t worry find someone new.”
Well what if I don’t want to?
What if I enjoyed being bullied by you?
Pushed to the floor
being called repulsive
Then you would lie and say sorry then make me cum
Maybe that's why I stayed for the sex
Our relationshit gave me something to do
What if I accepted your abuse?
Because we only accept the love we think we deserve
Last week we talked about marriage, houses, traveling, children
This week I have to pretend you don’t exist
You broke off our engagement
Again? What did I do this time? Answer a phone call from my friend who is a gay guy?
I don’t understand why you can’t be normal so we can have a boring life together
Why do I miss the abuse though?
I don't want to wear sexy underwear
Nor put on makeup if your not with me
However, you never noticed
I have to change the radio station to not hear love songs
I wake up crying, shaking while I'm holding your picture
It’s so hard not to want you
Stupid little things remind me of you and your family
How do I forget?
I have to be strong because our “love” did not make sense
Ugh this is so hard and it makes my heart hurt
Hopefully one day I will get unused to you!

Reviews

[C.]

I totally know how you feel.
The relationship I had with my ex was the same.

[Ashley]

sorry to hear