You Won't Read This Anyway

Just wanting to know you better, was what I had in mind
And sitting across from you, to share a smile in kind.
But conflict has always been there, just an arms length away
even though I tried to just be me, hoping that was enough to sway.

 

Silly made up compliments to convey a serenade,
put a smile on my lips and hope on my sleeve, it made.
After it was said, the arms length became longer
confusing me with wonder, if regret invaded stronger.

 

Efforts were not made; open doors and invitations ignored.
I sit here resigned with the inaction of what will not be explored.
No expectations that you ever wanted to see beyond the goofy smile.
Flighty fancy was my risk to reach beyond my safety isle.

 

I do not want to be a conflict, a dilemma or a doubt.
Just the genuine want of knowing me and what I’m all about.
The pressure is off, my friend. I’ll be a conflict no more.
For that’s not how I wish you to see me, so I won’t knock on your door.

 

I accept that my clumsy attempts at connection, in hopes to beguile,
was just not enough to keep your interest and want to stay awhile.
I just wonder why I sit in this chair, fighting for the right words to say,
when you may never crack your wall, to sit and read this anyway.

Author's Note

I'm fine with any type of critique: spelling, grammar, you name it. I'm looking for some constructive feedback. What did you feel when you read it? What questions formed in your head? Did you hate it, love it, relate with it?

Reviews

[Kasey]

*tear* i realate... it's so sad tho... haha. no i actually love it. it's really good! keep writing!!

[Kris]

You rhyme fairly well, which gives you a leg up on approximately 90% of the writers here. With that said, some of your lines are far too wordy. Try and trim the fat, say more with less. If you have to add a stanza to do it, I'd prefer to see that. When your lines are this long it diffuses the punch of your rhyme and makes it fizzle out. I don't love this piece, but I don't hate it either. I think some imagery would do wonders for this piece, as is there's very little. What kind of smile? What kind of lips? That sort of things gives your reader something to visualize as they read and makes your piece more meaty and substantial. I think you have some talent with word cohesion and you very clearly have something to say as a writer. But I think you do need to pear down what you have, decide exactly what it is you want to say and say it, as briefly, concisely and beautifully as possible.

Cheers.

[Dalaina Renee]

Well put! And I read it!!lol